Raw Fusion: Can You Smell What The Miz Is Cooking?

by on 15th March 2011

The 14th March 2011 episode of Monday Night Raw starts with us being shown The Rock at home supposedly talking to the President, before being interrupted by John Cena’s music. He talks about how Cena has finally shown up to talk to him like a man when we are shown a child dressed in Cena merchandise.

 

The Rock talks to the child as if he’s really John Cena and after the child does a rap of his own, The Rock talks to him about how Cena didn’t run very far with the ball he passed him seven years ago, but says that he will never be as good as The Rock.

 

He asks “Cena” if he knows why that is and the child replies that it’s because he’s not that talented. The Rock agrees and asks him what he thinks about this, and makes the child cry when he interrupts with his catchphrase to tell him that it doesn’t matter what he thinks.

 

The Rock says that he doesn’t have any toilet paper, but he has the next best thing and hands him a Cena shirt which the child blows his nose into and The Rock spits in, before throwing it away and telling him that he has a present for him – Fruity Pebbles, which the child happily runs away with.

 

The Rock turns his attention to other things now as he faces the camera and addresses The Miz. He talks about how The Miz made some statements last week on Raw – first on Cena, but then on The Rock.

 

He says that whether The Miz knew it or not, he made another statement – that he wants The Rock to delivery to him the single biggest ass-whooping of a lifetime, so they can all agree that the time for talk is over and it’s time for WrestleMania.

 

The Rock says that before WrestleMania he will honour his word and bring it live on Monday Night Raw, and that Cena should not worry about where or when, but the only thing that he and The Miz should be concerned with is how bad he lays the smacketh down on their candy asses – If you smell what The Rock is cookin’!

 

Next, The Miz makes his way to the ring and talks about how The Rock’s t-shirt says “I Bring It” and that he agrees, but what he brings is old catchphrases and other things that only a has-been can bring.

 

He says that The Rock’s father and grandfather were both good, but neither of them were ever the WWE Champion. He says that means that he’s better than the both of them and that he can say whatever he wants.

 

The Miz says that The Rock likes to make six year olds cry, but if he steps into the ring, he will make The Rock cry and scream like a little girl. He says that unlike The Rock talking about beating up John Cena, he has actually done it – three weeks in a row, so The Rock doesn’t own Cena, The Miz does.

 

He says that The Rock keeps talking about bringing it, and he hopes and prays that The Rock does – he might even do it tonight. But he says that he should know that if he does, he will be overshadowed by the most must-see WWE Champion in the history of the company, because he’s The Miz, and he’s Awesome!

 

Before The Miz can leave, Michael Cole receives an email from the Anonymous Raw General Manager. Cole leaves his box at ringside that he is in tonight to separate him from Jerry “The King” Lawler, but Lawler intercepts him at the podium and Lawler reads it out instead.

 

He says that the General Manager has arranged two first time ever matches as later on John Cena will take on Alberto Del Rio, but as for The Miz, he will take on The Great Khali in a match right now. The match ends with Khali winning as a result of disqualification as Alex Riley interferes, though he then pays for it.

 

Afterwards, The Miz enters the ring with a steel chair and hammers Khali with it and doesn’t let up until after he has hit a DDT on Khali onto the steel chair. The Miz exits up the ramp with the broken chair raised aloft in his hand and a big grin on his face.

 

Going backstage, John Morrison is shown talking to Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi until Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero. A war of words are exchanged with Snooki being the victor as she ends it by blocking Vickie’s slap and giving one of her own, before leaving with Morrison.

 

Back in the arena, Sheamus is pitted against Daniel Bryan (who is accompanied by Gail Kim) for the United States Championship in a match with the stipulation that if he doesn’t win then he will quit the WWE. The match ends with Sheamus becoming the new United States Champion after he counters Bryan’s dive from the turnbuckle with the Brogue Kick for the 3-count.

 

Now, it’s time for Michael Cole to try to humiliate Lawler, not from talking about his family as he knows he gets defensive about that, but by his family talking about him – he brings out “Grand Master Sexay” Brian Christopher.

 

Cole asks him why he never went by the name “Brian Lawler”, and he says that all his life growing up he felt like he never had a father, as while Jerry Lawler was travelling the world as “The King”, he neglected one thing – him.

 

He says that Jerry Lawler never really wanted a child, and after exiting the ring to approach Jerry, accuses Jerry of never wanting anybody or anything to get in his spotlight, and that is why when he finally made it to the WWE himself, he wouldn’t even acknowledge him as his son.

 

Jerry says that Brian’s not the only one that he didn’t use the Lawler name, as he says Brian’s a bigger screw-up than Charlie Sheen, and because of the fact that he would associate himself with Michael Cole tells everybody what kind of person he is.

 

Brian asks Jerry how it makes him feel to know that he competed at WrestleMania (as part of Too Cool) before he did, but despite repeats and a few shoves and slaps to the head, Jerry doesn’t respond to that question. Brian leaves, but before doing so he says to get things straight, the reason he didn’t use the Lawler name is because he’s ashamed of Jerry.

 

Cole talks about how it is just how he thought, that Jerry doesn’t care about his family and is nothing but a coward, pathetic, a loser, and will be put in his place by Cole at WrestleMania. Cole is interrupted from continuing as Jim Ross’ music hits and he makes his way to the ring to a big ovation.

 

J.R suggests that Cole has gone far enough, but Cole replies with a suggestion of his own that J.R go away. He says that he is the “Voice of the WWE” not Jim Ross, but J.R says that he’s been meaning to talk to him about that.

 

He says that for many years he had the privilege of sitting beside Jerry at ringside on Raw and be inducted to the WWE Hall Of Fame, but what he found out was that none of the announcers will ever be the Voices of the WWE, because the Voices of the WWE are the fans in the arena and around the world.

 

J.R says that Jerry has been carrying Cole like a mother kangaroo carrying young in their pouch, but Cole isn’t a lovable baby kangaroo, but a different kind of animal – a rat bastard. J.R gets ready to leave, but Cole taunts about how he is the bigger man and that J.R is walking out with his tail between his legs.

 

J.R obviously doesn’t like that insinuation and starts readying himself for a fight as Michael Cole does the same. Before anything happens, Jack Swagger appears and attacks Jerry Lawler at ringside before entering the ring and going after Jim Ross instead by applying the ankle-lock on him.

 

Jerry re-enters and breaks it up but it isn’t long before he is in the same position J.R was a few moments before, and it is at this point that Cole decides to do something. Cole applies an ankle-lock of his own to J.R and tells him that will teach him for disrespecting him, as he and Swagger stand tall and celebrate in the ring.

 

After a video recapping the last two weeks in which Randy Orton gave a punt to members of The New Nexus, Orton goes against Mason Ryan, with CM Punk watching on from the stage. The match ends with Orton hitting the RKO before Ryan appears to try to end it.

 

Afterwards, Orton celebrates and exits the ring to slowly walk towards Punk – until he looks behind him and notices Ryan attempting to get up. He quickly re-enters the ring and hits a punt to the head of Ryan and turns his attention back to Punk who has run down in an attempt to stop it but is too late – and when faced with Orton who looks ready to hit him with an RKO, he slowly slides out of the ring and backs away.

 

After the announcement that Drew Carey is the next person to be inducted into the 2011 WWE Hall Of Fame, Michael Cole lets everyone know that we saw the début of the Michael Cole ankle-lock, and that he will use it to embarrass Jerry Lawler at WrestleMania, and he then addresses J.R with taunts using his own catchphrases before telling him to stay out of his business.

 

Next up, Justin Roberts introduces Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi who plays to the crowd before saying that she is excited to be there and that what she is really looking forward to is Trish Stratus shutting up Vickie Guerrero, and she then sits at ringside to watch.

 

Before Vickie takes on Trish, Vickie says that not only will she beat Trish, but she will be hired on Raw. Addressing Polizzi, she tells her never to lay her hands on her again, accuses her of stealing her spotlight, and finally says that she stole something that was important to her, as she then shows Polizzi’s Rolling Stone magazine cover.

 

She calls Polizzi a thief and says that was her cover, and then shows what she calls the “original”, which is obviously Vickie photoshopped into Polizzi’s place. Vickie says that by the end of the night, she will be the new “Miss Media Darling”, and she will prevail and overcome her obstacles tonight and that she knows deep down inside that she is a good person.

 

Time for the match to actually take place now, and the fact that it is a no disqualification match works in Vickie’s favour as she defeats her with the help of LayCool’s interference. Afterwards, Polizzi pulls Michelle of the ring apron before entering the ring and attacking Layla, as Trish re-enters the ring and goes after the re-entering Michelle.

 

LayCool and Vickie are forced to bail out and stand with Dolph Ziggler as John Morrison, Trish, and Polizzi celebrate in the ring – with Ziggler yelling that Polizzi is only supposed to be the Guest Host and he amusingly then yells at Morrison that he’s not even a girl.

 

Vickie grabs a microphone and asks Polizzi if she thinks that this is a nightclub on a boardwalk, and says that she is in way over her head as this is her show. She says that she cannot wait to give them the embarrassment they deserve on the biggest stage of them all, as she challenges the three of them to a match at WrestleMania against LayCool and Dolph Ziggler – Polizzi accepts with “I’ll see you there, baby!”

 

After a video promoting Sin Cara and a video of Shawn Michaels giving more comments about The Undertaker, Alberto Del Rio (accompanied by Brodus Clay) is pitted against John Cena in a match which sees Cena win as a result of disqualification when Clay attacks him when he has Del Rio in the position for the attitude adjustment.

 

Afterwards, they both continue by attacking Cena until The Rock’s music hits and out comes what appears to be The Rock. When he takes off his sunglasses however, it is clear that it is really The Miz, so as a result Clay and Del Rio go back to their attack, and though Cena gets the advantage it is only for a moment thanks to Clay.

 

The Miz hits Cena with the Rock Bottom before directing Clay and Del Rio to continue their attack which ends with Cena rolling out of the ring to the floor. The Miz celebrates by raising his arm like The Rock before removing his bald cap and exiting the ring to pick up Cena and run him back-first into the ring post.

 

Grabbing a microphone, The Miz asks Cena how his “Road to WrestleMania” is before hitting him with it, telling him that he’s owned him for the last three weeks and will do for the next three all the way to WrestleMania, before then hitting him with it again.

 

The attack finally makes it’s way to the stage and ends with The Miz hitting Cena with the Skull-Crushing Finale onto the WWE logo structure, and The Miz stands tall over Cena as Raw goes off the air.

About the Author:

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Discovering WCW Monday Nitro in the 1990s, he has been hooked on wrestling ever since, later going on to also discover WWF (now WWE), ECW and numerous independent promotions.


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