Raw Fusion: Lies Via Satellite

by on 23rd March 2011

The 21st March 2011 episode of Monday Night Raw starts with Justin Roberts introducing “The Voice Of The WWE”, “Good Ol’ J.R” Jim Ross to ringside. It is quickly apparent that it is not Jim Ross, but rather Michael Cole dressed to impersonate J.R, with him getting a “you suck” chant from the crowd, and a “Jerry” chant for Jerry “The King” Lawler.

 

Now that spectacle is over, Triple H makes his way to the ring. After taking his time by posing to the crowd for a while, Triple H talks about how he has been in the business for 20 years and the match at WrestleMania will be the defining moment in his and The Undertaker’s careers, and will the biggest match he has been in in his life.

 

He talks about how the Streak is bigger than any championship – perhaps all that he has held combined, and that ending it will be a defining moment. Before they go through hell, he wants The Undertaker to do him a favour and come to Raw next week and stand face-to-face with him so that Triple H can tell him what is going to happen at WrestleMania.

 

Triple H says that he is going to look The Undertaker in the eye and tell him that he will lose, and that Triple H will end the Streak, and that when it dies, does The Undertaker, and if he can’t do it, then he will die trying. He wants to opportunity to say that next week, as like The Undertaker’s theme says “ain’t no grave can hold this body down” as at WrestleMania will see The Undertaker go 18-1, and that The Undertaker will Rest In Peace.

 

Before Triple H can start posing for the crowd again or leave, Ted DiBiase makes his presence known and talks about how a year ago he competed in his first WrestleMania match (against Randy Orton), and this year he is an afterthought.

 

He suggests that maybe he should take out Triple H right now, and then people will have no choice but to take notice. He tries to attack Triple H, but unsurprisingly Triple H quickly gains the advantage and sends a message to The Undertaker at the same time, by hitting the Pedigree on DiBiase through the announce table.

 

Next, Sheamus takes on Evan Bourne in a match which sees Bourne miss the Shooting Star Press after Sheamus moves out of the way, and become the victim of a Brogue Kick for Sheamus to get the 3-count.

 

Afterwards, Sheamus introduces himself as the new US Champion, but Daniel Bryan’s music hits and he makes his way to the ring. Bryan talks about how the great thing about the US is that everybody gets an opportunity, no matter where they are from, so as a former champion he would like to invoke his rematch clause – at WrestleMania. Sheamus’ answer is to throw the US title at Bryan and hit him with the Brogue Kick before leaving.

 

Backstage in the Parking Lot, Randy Orton is interviewed on how it is travelling the Road to WrestleMania on his own tour bus, and he also talks about how Punk has no idea what sick and twisted really means.

 

Back in the arena, Maryse takes on Eve in a match which unfortunately sees Michael Cole make a mockery of the Women’s Division again by standing up and talking about how he has more important announcement and how the match should be ended as soon as possible.

 

Eve gets the victory with a swing-neckbreaker and Cole talks about how glad he is that it is over – Eve isn’t very happy about this and tries to approach Cole, almost getting in a slap before Cole makes Security drag her away as he taunts her.

 

After a video recapping the events on last week’s SmackDown! involving the WWE Tag Team match between The Corre and The Big Show and Kane, and the aftermath involving the ring steps, Vladimir Kozlov and Santino Marella (accompanied by Tamina) are pitted against Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater (accompanied by the rest of The Corre).

 

The match ends with Gabriel getting the 3-count with the 450-Splash on Kozlov, but afterwards attach both Kozlov and Marella with the help of the rest of The Corre – until The Big Show and Kane make their way to the ring and take The Corre apart.

 

After a video recapping the events involving The Miz and John Cena on last week’s Raw, Cena appears via satellite and is asked by Josh Mathews what he plans to do live next week (when The Rock will also appear live).

 

Cena talks about how he will be face-to-face with The Rock and if they have a problem it will be settled, and after Lawler asks if the attention on The Rock has meant that he has underestimated The Miz, Cena confirms that it has. He talks about how the fact that he is sitting at home is proof that The Miz has the right to call himself the WWE Champion (a “Cena Sucks” chant is clearly audible at one point too).

 

Next up, Cole introduces Jack Swagger and afterwards rolls footage from last week of Brian Christopher’s (Grandmaster Sexay) comments towards Jerry Lawler, before Cole reveals that he was presented with the Lawler family photo album and then shows some photos of Jerry Lawler’s late father as he continues to insult Jerry.

 

Cole talks about how he did some talking to friends and says that from his understanding Lawler and his late father are the same – gutless cowards and bullies, and Cole says that he will put Lawler in his place at WrestleMania, and says that he finally realises that Lawler, his mother, father, and son have one thing in common – the family is nothing but a bunch of losers.

 

This is the last straw for Lawler as he gets up from the announce table and walks around it, but is met with a shot from Swagger. Lawler incapacitates Swagger for a moment by slamming his head off of the announce table, and then goes after Cole, who bails out of the ring as the chase is on.

 

The incapacitation was indeed only momentarily however as Lawler is knocked down by Swagger when he tries to chase Cole through, and after pushing him against “The Cole Mine” for Cole to insult him more, Swagger applies the ankle-lock to Lawler. Cole exits his box and takes over with his own ankle-lock and further insults and yells to tap out, before celebrating with Swagger.

 

After a video recapping last week’s events involving Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi and Vickie Guerrero and the resulting media coverage throughout the week since, Dolph Ziggler (accompanied by Vickie Guerrero and LayCool) goes against John Morrison (accompanied by Trish Stratus) in a match which sees Trish go after LayCool when they try to distract the referee, and is ultimately changed when Michael Cole receives an email from the Anonymous Raw General Manager.

 

The GM changes the match to an Intergender Handicap Tag Team match with Morrison and Trish taking on LayCool, Vickie, and Ziggler. The match ends with Vickie getting the win for her team when Ziggler hits him with the Zig-Zag, tags Vickie, and she covers him for the 3-count.

 

After another video promoting Sin Cara, and a video of various Superstars and Legends commenting on the Triple H going against The Undertaker, Randy Orton is pitted against Rey Mysterio in a match which sees CM Punk interrupt by appearing on the titantron.

 

Punk talks about how Orton is right that he doesn’t know what sick and twisted means, but that he does know that the bus behind him is really nice and that he can’t wait to meet Orton’s wife. Unsurprisingly, Orton quickly bails out of the ring and runs through the arena to where it is parked, but when he reaches the bus he is attacked from behind with a wrench to the leg by Punk. Punk taunts Orton and his wife before leaving and Orton’s wife exits the bus and yells for someone to help her downed husband.

 

Now, Alex Riley is in the ring and he talks about how three weeks ago he was fired as The Miz’s apprentice. He says that earlier this week he was rehired, under a new job title – “Vice President of Corporate Communications”. That said, he introduces the most must-see champion in WWE history and the best man at his wedding, The Miz.

 

The Miz talks about how people travel great distances and pay outrageous prices to see Muhammed Ali fight in his prime in the 1970s and to see Michael Jordan play in his prime in the 1980s, and that now in 2011, they come to see The Miz.

 

He talks about how everyone hangs on to every word he says and how he got everyone last week when he imitated The Rock, and that although The Rock has been imitated over the years, nobody has done it better than he himself who did it correctly and is one of a kind and the greatest WWE Champion in history.

 

The Miz says that in the process, he has become bigger than the WWE Universe and every single person in it, and that he has flipped the WWE since day one, so to symbolise and celebrate that, he unveils his new WWE Championship which has the WWE logo placed upside down to signify as an “M” for The Miz (exactly like Matt Hardy did during the “Mattitude” days), but it no longer spins.

 

He says that he doesn’t plan to be a multi-time champion as he doesn’t plan on ever losing the title – because he’s The Miz, and he’s awesome. John Cena shows up on the titantron and sarcastically applauds The Miz and his unveiled title, and says that the WWE Universe knows that he’s not invincible and can be hurt, but they also know that they should never make him angry.

 

The furniture and walls behind Cena are pushed away when he reveals that he is indeed broadcasting live from his “home”, as the WWE has been his home for nine years. Cena makes his way to the ring to confront The Miz and Riley, and The Miz ends up bailing out and running away to the stage, and Cena takes out his aggression on Riley by putting him in the STF and then celebrating in the ring as Raw goes off the air.

About the Author:

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Discovering WCW Monday Nitro in the 1990s, he has been hooked on wrestling ever since, later going on to also discover WWF (now WWE), ECW and numerous independent promotions.

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