Raw Fusion: CM Punk The Movie
The 11th July 2011 episode of Monday Night Raw starts with CM Punk’s music hitting and him making his way to the ring with a microphone in hand, to a great reaction from the crowd.
Punk asks if he has everybody’s attention now, and he says that he feels some recapping is in order, but if we didn’t watch last week – and he doesn’t blame us as he didn’t either because he wasn’t on it – he was suspended by Vince McMahon.
He says that he was suspended because the week before he got into trouble because of the things he said, not because he announced that his contract with the WWE ends on July 17th, or for saying that he will defeat John Cena at the Money In The Bank Pay-Per-View on Sunday, but because he said that he is going to leave with the WWE Championship, rendering all future champions completely irrelevant.
Punk says that he didn’t get in trouble because of that nugget, but also because he says that when Vince dies that the company will fall into the hands of his idiotic daughter and son-in-law that he believes he referred to as a doofus – basically he got in trouble for saying the things that nobody else has the balls to say.
He says that includes things like the company inside and outside of the ring are filled with a parade of ass-kissers, but to not fear as not only is he reinstated and his match with Cena back on, but as he picks up the megaphone and says that he brought back up in case they cut his microphone off, setting off the siren amidst CM Punk chants.
CM Punk says that a lot of us are probably wondering why he is holding a live microphone, so he says that he will explain it, he says that Vince McMahon desperately wants to sign him to a very long term and very lucrative new contract with the WWE.
He says that it’s funny to him that McMahon is bending over backwards to give him everything he ever wanted, as the only thing that he ever wanted is the microphone, which he says is power in his hands and a pipe bomb as he showed two weeks ago, unlike simply being a microphone to others.
Punk says that McMahon finally sees him for what he is, the hottest commodity in the industry today, because Punk did something that McMahon and his endless empty suits couldn’t do, which is made WWE socially relevant.
He says that he’s not talking about the crowd as they don’t count, but the real world, and in the real world the WWE has always got a mention for two reasons – the first is CM Punk speaking his mind, and the second is because somebody died.
Punk says that he is all over Youtube and is a Youtube sensation, and that ESPN is falling over themselves to try to get him on their shows. He says that Jimmy Kimmel’s people are ringing his phone off the hook wanting to know what he has to say, begging for his story.
He says he finds it funny that Vince McMahon finally wants to give him everything he wants now that he has one foot out of the door, but that if he had treated him this nicely five years ago, he wouldn’t have five years of pent-up ammunition to unload upon him or so much to say.
CM Punk says that he knows McMahon and how he does business, and that he is going to get there and expect Punk to sit in his office and them speak man-to-man about his contract, but he says that he also knows that McMahon likes to do things that have never been done before.
He suggests that they have the first-ever live contract negotiation in the ring, and says that maybe he will sign or maybe he won’t, and suggests maybe McMahon will have to join something that he likes to call the CM Punk Kiss My Ass Club.
John Cena’s music hits and he makes his way to the ring, with Punk telling him via the megaphone that he was talking and telling Cena that he’s afraid that his music is just too loud. Cena says to cut off the music and tells Punk to continue.
Punk thanks Cena for getting him reinstated to a job that he didn’t really want in the first place, and for giving him everything that he ever wanted, as not only will he beat Cena at Money In The Bank – and he says that when he does so, he will probably change the look of the title as it has been far too ugly for far too long, to a cheer of agreement from the crowd – he will also leave and Cena will get fired.
He says that if Cena thinks that Vince McMahon is really going to fire him, he reminds him of a few months ago when Cena was fired and it lasted all of seven days, at which point Cena asks if he is done – Punk says that to be honest he’s probably not, but lets Cena go ahead with whatever he wanted to say.
John Cena says that he wants to make that Punk gets it all out as he made a very truthful statement and we have been waiting five years to find out that he actually has a set of balls. He says that he also has a mouth that he likes to run, so he’s there to set him straight as for three weeks all he has heard is Punk say that he is going to walk out with the WWE Championship.
He says that he has to go through him to do that, and Punk acts like he is some sort of pushover just because he’s CM Punk and has a live microphone in the ring, and that it is irrelevant who he faces in Chicago as nobody is going to stop him walking out with the WWE Championship.
Cena says that he’s not a pushover, and he knows why Punk might think it, because he was half-knocked out in the ring as Punk said on the stage that he is the best wrestler in the company. Punk says that he’ll stop Cena right there and proclaims himself to be the best wrestler in the world.
John Cena congratulates Punk on having a set of balls, a big mouth, and self-confidence, but says that he also said that Cena is a vision of what the company believes the best should be, because he prances around to appearances and smiles for the camera.
He says that Punk has it the wrong way around and that he does it because he loves it, and that he is the best because he has the WWE Championship and he earned it. Cena says that Punk thinks that he is the best wrestler, but there is a lot of people who thought that such as Triple H, John Layfield, Edge, Batista, Randy Orton, Kurt Angle, Shawn Michaels, and even the late Eddie Guerrero thought that “the kid” couldn’t hang and wrestle with them in the ring, but every one was disappointed.
Cena says that he didn’t come out to run his mouth, and that he doesn’t care if CM Punk has a microphone or megaphone, or if he stays or if he goes, if McMahon fires him or he doesn’t, but he thinks that he’s going to Money In The Bank to whip Punk’s ass.
Michael Cole receives an email from the Anonymous Raw General Manager that says that Vince McMahon is on-route to negotiate with CM Punk, but in the meantime if it is Cena’s last night on Raw, we should see him in action, so Cena shouldn’t go anywhere as he will be in action next.
Justin Roberts informs us that the match will be a handicap match, and it is revealed that his opponents are the WWE Tag Team Champions and members of The New Nexus, David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty.
The match ends with Cena getting the victory when he throws Otunga over the top rope and hits McGillicutty with an Attitude Adjustment for the 3-count.
Going backstage, Vickie Guerrero tells Dolph Ziggler that they need to get their facts straight and be prepared, so suggests that she pretend to be Vince McMahon and asks what he would say to him. Ziggler says that McMahon needs to fire Punk and not negotiate, and while he is at it he should fire John Cena too, because as long as he is United States Champion, they can make that the premier title as everybody knows that he is the premier Superstar in the WWE today.
Vickie asks if he’s trying to tell him how to do his job, to which Ziggler says he is telling the truth but without doing it in the ring or insulting him or his family, but he says that last week McMahon looked like a wuss.
Vickie continues to do her impression when Drew McIntyre interrupts and says that this is some action that he can get in on, doing his own impression. Ziggler tells “Vickie McMahon” that he was Vince McMahon, but is now just a shell of what he used to be, and that if he doesn’t realise what he has in talent like Dolph Ziggler, then he should be the chairman of AARP instead of the WWE.
He suggests that he take his tacky, outdated suits, old-man hair, and dead-possum breath, and retire. McIntyre says that Ziggler has been close to the guy, and that it is more like a dead possum wrapped in a diaper.
Vickie continues this by saying it’s like a dead possum, wrapped in a diaper, soaked in vomit. She continues to laugh until Vince McMahon makes his presence known, greeting McIntyre and Ziggler as he calls them two of his fastest rising stars.
He says that they deserve to have a really big spotlight, so suggests that they team up in a handicap match against a really big opponent such as The Big Show, before he asks if anyone has a mint – nobody does, and he says that what he really wouldn’t want to have is BAD. BREATH!
Ziggler, McIntyre, and Vickie quickly make their exit, but as McMahon turns around he is approached by Scott Stanford, who says that everyone all over the world are wondering what is going to happen in the live contract negotiations and asks if he has a comment.
McMahon clarifies that it’s the entire world, to which Stanford agrees that it is, but McMahon tells him to tell the entire world that he said that they can go to hell.
Back in the arena, The Bella Twins join commentary as Kelly Kelly is pitted against Melina in a match which sees Kelly get the victory when she hits Melina with the K2 for the 3-count. Afterwards, The Bella Twins make their way into the ring and say that now that it is over, maybe Kelly can go find some food.
They say that one meal a month isn’t healthy, and not to take their word for it as her skin is crying for help, saying “feed me Kelly, feed me”. They ask for a close-up on Kelly and say that under the painted-on clown-faced weave-head is some serious need for proactive, which they say did wonders for Katy Perry, but that Kelly isn’t a teenage dream but rather a malnurtured (though I believe they meant “malnourished”) nightmare.
Kelly Kelly has had enough and starts to attack one of them, only to be pulled away by the other one and then attacked by both together, until Eve Torres runs to the ring to make the save that doesn’t last long as she falls to the same numbers game when she ends up down in the ring after being hit with a sitout facebuster.
Next up, The Miz makes his way to the ring and climbs the ladder that is in the middle of the ring underneath the Raw Money In The Bank briefcase, before he starts to talk about how there’s no better view than sitting on top of the ladder and looking upon each and every one of the crowd.
He says that he is used to being on top and the best, which makes him different than the others in the Raw Money In The Bank Ladder match, and that it’s not because he’s the most must-see WWE Superstar of all time, but because he knows what it’s like to take that path to become the WWE Champion.
The Miz says that he has been there before in a way his opponents never have, and that though some have been close, close doesn’t make them a winner or a champion, that he knows what it’s like to be a champion, and that everyone is going to find out that he still has what it takes to be a champion.
He says that up there it is quite comfortable, because that is where the future happens, that he is still the future, and that every pretender in the Money In The Bank match will learn why is The Miz, and he’s… interrupted by Jack Swagger’s music as Swagger makes his way to the ring.
Swagger expresses disbelief at The Miz’s words and says that Alex Riley must have hit him in the head way too many times, as he himself has also won the Money In The Bank Ladder match and has also become a World Heavyweight Champion.
The Miz plays the really game before he asks what he says it a philosophical question – if somebody wins Money In The Bank and cashes it in, but nobody remembers it, did it really happen?
Jack Swagger asks if he really thinks that he cares what the idiots remember, but is unable to say anything further as Evan Bourne’s music hits to interrupt him, and Bourne makes his way to the ring.
Bourne says that he doesn’t know about the crowd, but he is tired of hearing them talk about what they have done, so he is there to talk about what he’s going to do on Sunday – he’s going to steal the show, he’s going to climb the ladder and win Money In The Bank.
Kofi Kingston’s music hits as he is the next to interrupt, and he says that he appreciates everybody’s confidence, but at the end of the day it is all just talk. He says that this is Money In The Bank that they are talking about, an eight-man ladder match where everybody puts everything on the line – their bodies, careers, and future for a chance at the most prestigious title in the history of WWE.
He says that anything can happen when they step through the ropes, anybody can climb the ladder and win the match, and he if he wins it won’t be because of what he says or does in the ring on this episode of Raw, but what he does in the ring on Sunday.
Kingston asks if they think it’s a coincidence that one of the greatest Superstars ever in WWE had to retire because of injury, that he got injured in matches like this, and that Superstar’s name is Edge.
R-Truth makes his presence known as he says that the conspiracy against him continues, that everyone is talking about CM Punk vs. John Cena, and that they must have forgot that he beat Cena two weeks ago when he put him through a table – and all the Little Jimmy’s saw it.
He expresses disbelief that now he is supposed to climb a ladder and grab a briefcase, and asks how is supposed to do that when he has “aquaphobia”, and he says that the conspiracy knows that he is afraid of heights, but there better not be any spiders on the ladder or in the ring as he is afraid of them too.
Truth points to the briefcase and says that if he opens it up and sees a spider, the grit is going to hit the fan, he says that the briefcase is going to get got, and that is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but… another interruption as Alex Riley’s music hits and he makes a beeline for The Miz, who quickly bails out of the ring.
Alberto Del Rio’s music hits and he stands in his car as he says that it is an absolute disgrace, as he should not even be in Money In The Bank, as he took out Rey Mysterio so he is the number one contender, yet now we have CM Punk against John Cena.
He says that the question is why, and he will tell us why – Cena is afraid of Alberto Del Rio, and now he has to do it all over again, just to show us that it is his destiny to become the next WWE Champion, and that in six days he will teach a lesson to every single one of his opponents, and that lesson is (as his music cuts in a bit too early) a lesson in destiny.
Cole receives another email from the Anonymous Raw General Manager, which says that Del Rio has a point, and that since they have six of the Money In The Bank competitors, they should have a match, so The Miz, Jack Swagger, and R-Truth will team up to go against Alex Riley, Kofi Kingston, and Evan Bourne in a six-man tag team match.
After a video hyping The Big Show’s appearance on Burn Notice, we go to the aforementioned six-man tag match, which sees Riley get the victory when he hits Swagger with the Edgecution for the 3-count, but he doesn’t have time to celebrate as The Miz immediately re-enters the ring and hits him with the Skull-Crushing Finale.
Kingston takes out The Miz, Truth takes out Kingston, Bourne takes out Truth and prepares to hit his shooting star press when he is pushed off the turnbuckle by Alberto Del Rio. Del Rio grabs a ladder and attacks everyone in the ring and trying to re-enter it, before standing tall underneath the briefcase, having successfully sent a message to his opponents.
After a video recapping the confrontation between Vince McMahon and John Cena last week, Dolph Ziggler (accompanied by Vickie Guerrero) and Drew McIntyre take on The Big Show in a match which appears to end in a double count-out, as Show ignores it and takes his anger out on McIntyre up to the stage.
Show picks up McIntyre and looks to possibly be getting ready to hit a chokeslam off the stage when Henry comes out of nowhere and runs into The Big Show, sending all three of them off the stage. Afterwards, a number of replays are shown as Henry and Show are shown still laying where they landed, but rather oddly no mention of McIntyre, who judging from the replays may have had a worse landing.
After a video hyping this Sunday’s Money In The Bank Pay-Per-View and the announcers go over the matches to take place, Vince McMahon’s music hits and he makes his way out onto the stage – he exits a number of times before coming back out onto the stage until he gets the reaction he wants, and finally makes his way to the ring.
McMahon plays the crowd into cheering for him and says that for those who are actually thinking he will join the CM Punk Kiss My Ass Club, that will definitely not happen as he could never ever do anything like that.
He says that the other bothersome part of this is that it is supposed to be a public negotiation, and he says that contracts should not be negotiated in public, but as that’s what Punk wants, he invites Punk to make his way to the ring, saying to hurry up as he has a plane to catch.
CM Punk makes his way to the ring mocking McMahon’s walk, and ignores McMahon’s offer of a handshake when he reaches it. McMahon says that he thinks that Punk will find everything in the contract in order as his attorney’s have been over it numerous times, including the provision about his own collection cup.
Punk says that for someone who has always been pro-John Cena, he thought that he would come out wearing one of his red t-shirts and arm bands, but looking at him now, he can tell that he has zero faith in John Cena on Sunday, which he can’t blame him for.
Vince McMahon says that his faith or lack thereof in Cena has nothing to do with it, he simply wants Punk to sign the contract for the right reasons, first of all to become a rich man – richer than he already is – and secondly because he couldn’t live with himself if somehow Punk won the title on the last day of his contract and walk out of Chicago with his title.
He says that is why there are all the provisions in the contract just like he asked for, and asks if he can call him Phil. Punk says that his lawyers looked over the contract and it wasn’t up to par, so he had them draw up a new one.
Punk says that his signature is already on it and that all McMahon needs to do is sign it, but he does think that he should know about a couple of perks that he has added to it. He points out that McMahon doesn’t want it to go down in public, but asks if the WWE Universe want it to go down in public and the crowd give a favourable response.
He asks McMahon if he wants to hear a few of the perks, to which he says not to push him. Punk asks if he already looked at it, is that is provision number one, that he gets to push him, as he then does push him.
CM Punk says that he’ll push him all he wants, that he’ll kick him in the nuts and Vince McMahon will smile and him and like it and show him some respect, because if he doesn’t then he’ll find the nearest paper shredder, and Sunday he will leave with the WWE Championship.
He says the first provision is that he wants his own jet – not Vince McMahon’s because he says that it smells – he also wants his face on everything, the titantron, turnbuckles, collector cups, he wants him to bring back the WWE ice cream bars, which causes a cheer to erupt from the crowd too and makes Punk comment that he just made him a million dollars in ice cream sales.
Punk says that he wants WWE Films to immediately start production on CM Punk: The Movie, and that they can call it The Chaperone 2, except that his will be funny, entertaining, and successful. He says that the Main Event of WrestleMania of John Cena against McMahon’s buddy Dwayne, who he says is The Rock for those who don’t watch bad Disney movies, can still be on, but the match that he himself competes in at WrestleMania will be the Main Event.
He says that those are just a few of the many new perks that his lawyers added in the contract, and that the last thing that the contract states is that Vince McMahon apologises to him for suspending him last week.
He clarifies and says that in fact McMahon is not apologising to him, but rather the WWE Universe for being one the biggest hypocrites he has ever seen in his entire life. Punk says that as far as the anti-bullying campaign goes, he is one of the biggest bullies he has ever met in his entire life and he will apologise.
CM Punk says that he has had very talented friends work for the WWE and be unceremoniously fired, to which McMahon says that they deserved it, but Punk fires back asking if that is because McMahon doesn’t know what makes a Superstar in 2011 or what the people want.
He asks if he wants to punish people for actually liking professional wrestling, guys like Colt Cabana and Luke Gallows, and he says that McMahon will apologise to him for them, because they can’t be there right now or stand up to him, but he can and he is CM Punk and the voice of the voiceless, and that McMahon will apologise and he will like it.
Vince McMahon tells CM Punk to calm down and asks him to be a gentleman and just sign the contract, to which Punk asks the crowd if they should be gentlemen or apologise. Punk just tells him to sign the contract and apologise, to spare his company any further embarrassment, but McMahon continues to just ask him to sign the contract.
Punk pushes the table over, as the crowd chant “we want wrestling”, but McMahon yells that he doesn’t give a damn what they want, which Punk says is the problem – McMahon doesn’t give a damn, but he himself cares too much.
CM Punk says that he is a bad guy, but he damn sure is in touch with what the people wants, and he thinks that what Boston wants to hear is an apology. Vince McMahon says that he is sorry, and Punk’s response is to start saying “What?”, saying that if there was ever an appropriate time for that, this is it.
McMahon gets angry and says that he apologises, before calling Punk a son of a bitch. Punk says that the apology is better than winning the world title three times, and then suggests that McMahon pick the contract up and sign it before the stock plummets some more.
As McMahon gets to grips with the contract, the crowd chant “Colt Cabana” – until John Cena’s music hits and he makes his way to the ring. Cena says that it is a fine speech and that the crowd love him, and that the crowd will love him in his home town too, but then he will be walk out on every single one of them.
John Cena says to Vince McMahon that if he wants to sign that and cave to a terrorist, then he’s not going to tell him what to do, but last week he asked him for a match, one that Punk earned and that the WWE Universe want to see, and he thinks that is standing up for.
Right now however, he thinks that they are acting like a bunch of spoiled brats, and he understands that Punk hates McMahon, he does too and talks about how often he wants to rip off his face and use it as a floor mat, wiping crap from his shoes onto it and getting his dog to pee on it, before flushing it down the toilet.
He says that regardless of that, he still shows up to work every day, as though it gives McMahon a problem, it also lets down the fans who paid to see him. Cena calls Punk the biggest hypocrite of them all, asking the crowd if they want to see an apology, and then he will leave.
John Cena says that there was a man who stepped in the ring not too long ago and says that finally he was home, and that he was never leaving again. He says that his point is that he knows Punk is not that guy, but he is making a ridiculous list of demands that McMahon can’t meet, because he wants to walk out with the WWE Championship.
He says that Punk’s strongest attribute is also his biggest flaw, he says that he beats to his own drum and he admires that, but in the path of doing things he wants to do, he has lost sight of everything.
CM Punk says that he will not let John Cena belittle him and say that he has lost sight of things, as the reason that he says that he will take the title and walk out is because he doesn’t fit a certain mould, because he is the underdog and that is exactly what Cena has lost sight of.
He talks about how earlier Cena talked about how great wrestlers such as Eddie Guerrero looked at him and thought that “the kid” couldn’t hang, yet Cena is now looking at Punk in the exact same way.
Punk reminds him about hanging off Cena’s “gangster” car at WrestleMania 22, standing there in a suit with a phony Tommy-gun, and he said to himself that some day he would not be standing out there watching Cena in the ring, but stand in the ring watching Cena go down to CM Punk.
He says that now they are in John Cena’s home town of Boston, and next week they will be in his own home town of Chicago. Punk says that this is the part where he talks them into the building as he first apologises for raising his voice as he says he is not that guy, but Cena is the one who has lost sight.
Punk says that Cena who stands for hustle, loyalty and respect, lives the colours of the Boston Red Sox who also portray themselves as the underdog just like others teams that he lists, and he says that what Cena has lost sight of, and he is happy that Cena’s father and wife are there to see this, as Cena warns him, is that what he has lost sight of is that Cena is what he himself hates – Cena is the man, that he is no longer the underdog, but has become what he hates – the New York Yankees.
This proves to be enough for Cena as he throws a punch at Punk and Punk bails out and makes his way to the stage. Cena’s music hits but Punk says to cut it, as he has something to say and he’s sure people want to hear it.
CM Punk says that he is glad that things went down this way, as it hit him like a bolt of lightning exactly why he no longer wants to be in the WWE, which is because he is tired of this, Cena, and just tired – so for everyone in the WWE Universe, John Cena, and Vince McMahon, say goodbye to the WWE Championship, say goodbye to John Cena, and say goodbye to CM Punk.
Punk tears up the contract and says that he will go be the best in the world somewhere else, before imitating Cena’s “You Can’t See Me” taunt, and then both men staring each other down from their respective positions are Raw goes off the air.