Raw Fusion: Oscar-Calibre Performance

by Firefly on 30th August 2011

The 29th August 2011 episode of Monday Night Raw starts with Triple H making his way to the ring and talks about how it is his job to make sure that the company thrives, so he says that starting with this episode and for the foreseeable future, we will not only see the Superstars of Raw, but we will also see the Superstars of SmackDown! joining with them to make a Raw “super show”.

He says that is the fun side of being the COO, but that it also comes with some bad parts, such as people lying to you and disrespecting them, and that unfortunately for him, most of the lies are coming from somebody who is supposed to be his best friend, Kevin Nash.

Triple H says that apparently Nash is upset that he wouldn’t “allow him to be a man” with CM Punk, so he says that if he wants to be a man, he should come to the ring right now and tell him why he lied to him.

CM Punk’s music hits instead and Punk makes his way to the ring and after a video recapping the end of the match between John Cena and CM Punk last week in which Nash distracted Punk, Punk applauds Triple H and claims that he is giving an Oscar-calibre performance.

He wants Triple H to “man-up” for once and tell the truth that Triple H and Kevin Nash have been in it together from the beginning. The nWo theme hits and Kevin Nash makes his way to the ring before admitting to Triple H that he lied, saying that he had his driver call John Laurinaitis and say that he had been in an accident.

Nash says that it was because Triple H wouldn’t let him take care of things, so he had to use their friendship against him as he knew he’d get him out of the building. He says that the problem is CM Punk and that Triple H wouldn’t let him finish what he was supposed to do, so he had to get rid of him.

He says that Punk has been trying to make a fool out of him in front of millions for the past couple of weeks, and now it’s over but it’s not just him that he’s insulting, but also Triple H and more importantly, Triple H’s wife Stephanie McMahon.

Kevin Nash says that he may not have acted the way Triple H wanted him to, but he wants to know what kind of a man Triple H is. Triple H says that he is the kind of man who doesn’t expect to be lied to by his best friend, and that if his best friend tells him something, he can take it for the truth. But it doesn’t work any more as he can’t trust him as he lied to his face, so now he’s asking him again to leave, and this time not to come back.

Nash admits again that he lied, but says that he only lied about the accident, not about the text message, and while Triple H was out of the building last week, John Laurinaitis signed Nash to a very lucrative WWE contract, so if he’s going to fire him, he’ll have to do it in front of all the people watching in the arena and at home, and as it’s guaranteed, he would sit at home and get paid.

Triple H says that he won’t fire him, but the lying has to stop now. Before he can continue further, CM Punk fakes vomiting for a while, until he clarifies that he was acting, just like he says that Triple H and and Kevin Nash are acting, asking if he expects anybody, let alone him, to believe this crap.

Punk says that Triple H can’t be the bad guy and get his hands dirty, so he has Nash do his dirty work, and then he not only accepts his apology but hires him back. He sarcastically tells him that he has done a fantastic job, and proclaims to the crowd that “The Kliq” is back.

He says is kind of ironic as “click” is the sound that the audience’s remote controls make every time that Nash shows up on their TV, and also the sound that Nash’s knees make when he walks.

Kevin Nash says that now he’s officially under a WWE contract, he asks Triple H to book the match that everyone wants to see, and the match that Punk thinks he wants, Kevin Nash vs. CM Punk. Punk agrees and asks why doesn’t he, and also make it at Night Of Champions, with Nash being a “champion ass-kisser”.

First however, Punk says that Triple H has to check with the board of directions, and by board of directors he clarifies that he means Triple H’s wife, and Punk goads Triple H into agreeing to the match when he says that Triple H’s wife is the one that runs the show, as she is the one who told him to text Nash, that Triple H doesn’t wear the pants in the family, but does wear here panties.

Triple H says that the match is official at Night Of Champions, but as far as the two of them go, he’s got two words for them, holding the microphone into the air as the crowd yell “suck it!”.

Next up, Randy Orton takes on Dolph Ziggler (accompanied by Vickie Guerrero) in a match which sees Orton get the victory when he hits Ziggler with an RKO for the 3-count as Vickie’s potential next client Jack Swagger watches backstage on a monitor and applauds.

After a video recapping Alberto Del Rio’s attack on John Cena after the number one contender’s match last week between Cena and CM Punk, Josh Mathews is set to interview him but Cena instead leaves without saying anything and heads in the direction of the ring.

John Cena makes his way to the ring and says that he is uneasy as Del Rio’s actions have been speaking louder than his words, that Del Rio’s words were that he would be a champion with honour, class, and dignity, but his actions show that he has no class, he is a coward champion, and he has somehow mastered the ancient art of “douchebaggery”.

He says that is fine as every action has a repercussion, so his reaction is to kick Del Rio’s teeth so far down his throat that his mouth becomes his anus, and addressing Del Rio, he says that if he wants some, to come get some.

Mark Henry’s music hits instead and he makes his way to the ring, and after a clip recapping the aftermath of his match with Sheamus last week on SmackDown! (click here for our SmackDown! report), he says that he came down to get him some.

He talks about dismantling The Big Show, Kane, and countless others, as well as Sheamus last week, so he says that Cena too will join the “hall of pain”. Regardless of who wins the World Heavyweight Championship match tomorrow on the live “Super SmackDown!” special, he says that they too will join his list.

Henry says that at Night Of Champions, he will be the new World Heavyweight Champion. Christian’s music hits and he makes his way to the ring before telling Henry that after he beats and humiliates Orton tomorrow, Henry will be facing himself at Night Of Champions.

Turning his attention to John Cena, Christian says he makes him sick to his stomach, and if there’s one thing that he can’t stand more than anything else, it’s somebody who comes out week after week, whining, bitching, and complaining until they get what they want.

He says that it is an embarrassment, and Cena is embarrassing himself. Cena says that he doesn’t come out and whine every week, what is whining is “why does Christian come out every week douched in so much fake tan, doesn’t he know it’s HDTV?” and “why does Mark Henry’s breath smell like funnel cake stuffed with dog crap?”

John Cena says that he’ll make it simple for the both of them, that if they want some to come get some, but if not to get gone. Christian asks if Henry’s just going to stand there and take that, as he says that they shouldn’t take that as there is two of them and one of him, so maybe Cena needs to learn the meaning of the word “repercussion”.

As Christian and Mark Henry start to advance on John Cena, Sheamus’ music hits and he comes to even up the odds. Christian isn’t happy about how the odds have shifted, so exits the ring, and when Henry realises, he slowly backs up and does the same.

Backstage, John Laurinaitis is watching a monitor with referee Charles Robinson, and he says that it gives him an idea so he’ll make a tag team match pitting a team of Christian and Mark Henry against a team of John Cena and Christian.

Robinson agrees that sounds good, as does Triple H who makes his presence known, but Triple H says that he already made that match, and makes things clear that although Laurinaitis is the Vice President of Talent Relations, he works for Triple H.

CM Punk is pitted against The Miz now, but before the match takes place The Miz has something to say. He says that he has never heard anything like the garbage spewed out of Punk’s mouth earlier, and says that he’s worse than Cena.

The Miz plays the really game before he says that what Punk needs to realise is that he was fiercely speaking his mind before Punk was dropping pipe bombs, and though Punk may claim to be the best in the world, he is looking at the most must-see WWE Champion of all time.

He says that if last week wasn’t an example of what he’s going to do to people if he doesn’t get some attention, then this episode will be, as he’s The Miz, and he’s Awesome. The match ends with Punk apparently getting the victory as a result of a disqualification when R-Truth interferes when Punk is about to hit The Miz with the GTS.

Afterwards, R-Truth and The Miz try to attack CM Punk as he tries to fend them off, Punk gets the upper hand until Kevin Nash makes his way to the ring, and R-Truth and The Miz take advantage of the distraction provided to continue their attack again.

Nash gets the last word as he watches the attack before approaching Punk and then hits him with a jackknife powerbomb. He stands tall over the downed Punk in victory as the nWo theme music once again plays.

Next, as Vickie Guerrero watches from the ramp, Sin Cara goes against Jack Swagger in a match which sees Cara take advantage of the distraction provided by Dolph Ziggler yelling at Swagger that he’s a loser, by hitting Swagger with a springboard senton followed up by a springboard moonsault for the 3-count and the victory.

Now Evan Bourne and Kofi Kingston, who according to the announcers are now called “Air Boom” after fan votes, take on Michael McGillicutty and David Otunga for the WWE Tag Team Championships.

The match ends with Air Boom getting the victory and retaining the titles when Kingston hits McGillicutty with Trouble In Paradise for the 3-count. Afterwards, an irate Otunga and McGillicutty approach Jerry “The King” Lawler at ringside, apparently unhappy about what he’s been saying about them over the past couple of weeks.

The most they do however is take his headset off him and yell at him, before throwing the headset back at him and leaving.

Next up, Kelly Kelly (accompanied by Eve Torres) is pitted against Brie Bella (accompanied by her sister Nikki) in a match which sees “Twin Magic” utilised by Nikki when she switches with her sister behind the back of the referee and without Kelly or Eve noticing, and “Brie” get the victory when Nikki hits a sitout facebuster for the 3-count.

After a video hyping Alex Riley and a trailer première of Triple H’s new movie “Inside Out”, Mark Henry and Christian go against John Cena and Sheamus in a match which sees Cena get the victory for his team when Cena counters Christian’s Killswitch attempt and pushes him into Sheamus’ Brogue kick, and then follows it up with an Attitude Adjustment of his own for the 3-count.

Afterwards backstage, CM Punk approaches Triple H as he says that John Laurinaitis said that he wanted to see him. Triple H says that he has just got off the phone from the Board Of Directors. Punk interrupts and asks if he’s going to resign, or asks if he’s finally getting a divorce as he married into the family and has now made his millions.

Triple H says that he called him in to inform CM Punk that his match with Kevin Nash has been cancelled, and that at Night Of Champions, Punk will go one-on-one with Triple H.

Back in the arena, John Cena and Sheamus celebrate their victory as Raw goes off the air.

About the Author: Firefly

Avatar of Ron Simmons saying "Damn!"
Discovering WCW Monday Nitro in the 1990s, he has been hooked on wrestling ever since, later going on to also discover WWF (now WWE), and even later numerous independent promotions, TNA and now the very captivating challenger known as AEW.

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