Raw Fusion: Office Spaced
The 21st November 2011 episode of Monday Night Raw starts with Justin Roberts introducing the new WWE Champion CM Punk, who then makes his way to the ring to the approval of the crowd.
Punk talks about when he was younger and was asked by his teacher what he wanted to be when he grew up, and though the others had various ideas (Firemen, Policemen, and… Teen Wolf), he had said that he wanted to be a professional wrestler.
He points out that he didn’t say “sports-entertainer”, and says that as a professional wrestler who started at the very bottom and worked his way to the WWE, a company within an industry that he says that he has watched since he could breathe, he wants everyone to know just how much of a big deal it was for him to walk into Madison Square Garden and win the WWE Championship.
CM Punk says that there are a lot of reasons why it was a special moment for him, but that the most satisfying reason of all was that he did it as himself, and he says that he has never tried to be anything else.
He says that now that he has the WWE Championship, the game of hot-potato is going to stop as it is back where it belongs on his shoulder, where he says it will stay. Punk says that he knows that there are a lot of people who don’t like it, but he says that it is a fact that he is the new face of the WWE.
Punk makes himself comfortable by sitting down in the ring and says that as he told Alberto Del Rio, he is going to make the title interesting again, as he would like to think that he will bring back an air of danger that Raw has been sorely lacking, and that he will be an agent of change.
He says that one of the things that he wants to find out is where the hell the WWE Ice Cream Bars are, but another thing that he would like to change is the term “Interim Raw General Manager John Laurinaitis” to “Former Interim Raw General Manager John Laurinaitis”.
Punk is about to explain why, but John Laurinaitis decides to make his presence known, and he says that he doesn’t see why he and Punk have to have an adversarial relationship as they both want the same thing; what is best for the WWE Universe.
He congratulates Punk on being the new WWE Champion and says that he will take the high road as he doesn’t see why Punk has a problem with him. Punk’s response is to tell him that he couldn’t hear what he said over the crowd chanting “you suck” at Laurinaitis.
CM Punk says that he doesn’t want Laurinaitis to be the WWE Champion because when it comes to Vince McMahon, he is a greedy, money-grubbing, soulless bastard, but he’ll tell people that to their face, but he tells John Laurinaitis that he is like the stereotypical middle management, and compares him to Bill Lumberg from Office Space but without the comedy – a reference he doesn’t expect Laurinaitis to understand as he is so out of touch.
He says that they they are not a “universe”, but instead are fans, and that “universe” is just a buzzword to keep his bosses happy. Unless he thinks he can be an agent of change, but until then, Punk says that he will take him and look at him as exactly what he is – a poor excuse for middle-management, soul-sucking, douchebag stooge.
John Laurinaitis points out that he is upper-management, and continues by saying that Punk has got things all wrong. He says that just because he doesn’t have tattoos everywhere and piercings doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a wild side. He claims that he can be just as wild and dynamic as Punk.
In an attempt to prove this, he says that Alberto Del Rio has a title rematch clause in his contract, but Laurinaitis isn’t going to wait until the next Pay-Per-View to have it, but that the match will instead take place on next week’s Raw.
CM Punk isn’t very impressed and suggests having the match right now instead, but Laurinaitis says that he has other plans for Punk on this episode of Raw. He says that a very wise and very old man told him that if you put yourself in the audiences shoes you can’t go wrong.
Laurinaitis says that they are going to test the mettle of the WWE Championship on this episode of Raw as CM Punk will face United States Champion Dolph Ziggler in a Champion vs. Champion match.
Punk says that is not creative but is instead stupid, as he says that it proves his point that Laurinaitis doesn’t listen to his “WWE Universe”. He says that they don’t want to see Dolph Ziggler vs. CM Punk, and after pausing for a “We Want Ryder” chant, says that they want to see Dolph Ziggler vs. Zack Ryder.
John Laurinaitis says that Zack Ryder is busy later on against Alberto Del Rio, and that furthermore, Ryder could not defeat Dolph Ziggler and claims that Punk can’t either. Punk exits the ring and walks towards Laurinaitis and says that he will beat Dolph Ziggler this week, and Alberto Del Rio next week, and some day, somebody – nobody in particular – is going to beat some sense into Laurinaitis.
After a video of The Rock agreeing with the crowd that he is a fan of Zack Ryder too after Survivor Series went off the air (click here for our Survivor Series report), Zack Ryder takes on Alberto Del Rio in a match which sees Del Rio get the victory, when he forces Ryder to tap out to the cross-armbreaker.
Next, Sheamus is pitted against Jack Swagger (accompanied by Vickie Guerrero) in a match which sees Sheamus get the victory, when he counters the ankle-lock and follows it up with a Brogue Kick to Swagger for the 3-count.
Now, the nWo music hits and Kevin Nash makes his way out onto the stage where he talks about sitting backstage at Madison Square Garden and watching Survivor Series, while thinking about what could have been.
He says that the Garden has been sweet to him as it was where he beat Bob Backlund in eight seconds, that it was also where four guys – Scott Hall, Triple H, Shawn Michaels, and Kevin Nash – decided that their friendship meant more than the business (referring to the “Curtain Call” incident).
He says that he came back to the WWE thinking that he had a friend in Triple H, but instead had a boss. Nash says that it should have been himself and Triple H in the main event at Survivor Series against The Rock and John Cena, but it wasn’t.
Nash says that it is because of Triple H that it didn’t happen, and he says that Triple H is gone, taken out with his own sledgehammer, his neck broken by Kevin Nash. Addressing Triple H, he tells him to know one thing as Thanksgiving approaches, and that is that the real survivor of that group stands before the crowd right now, and that man is Kevin Nash.
Next up, Cody Rhodes is set to go against Santino Marella, but before the match takes place, Rhodes has something to say. He says that the shame from being disfigured and feeling sorry for himself is what made him vulnerable to predators, predators like Randy Orton.
Rhodes says that the constraints have been removed, likening it to a rabid dog without a muzzle, and he says that he is unmasked, uninhibited, unbeatable, and unrepentant – then laughing maniacally until stopping abruptly as soon as Marella’s music hits.
The match sees Rhodes get the victory, when he avoids Marella’s attempt to hit him with the Cobra, and hits him with Cross-Rhodes for the 3-count. Afterwards, Cody Rhodes approaches Booker T at the announce table and asks him if he realises that he can hear him and doesn’t watch the show, before throwing water in his face and walking away.
Backstage, Josh Mathews interviews Dolph Ziggler about being the only Superstar involved in two matches at Survivor Series, but Ziggler corrects him and says that he was the only Superstar to win two matches at Survivor Series.
Mathews tries to point out that Ziggler did indeed beat Morrison, but that he was eliminated first in the match between Team Barrett and Team Orton. Vickie interrupts to say that technically Ziggler still won as he was a part of the winning team.
Ziggler says that Cena, The Rock, and the “disgusting” WWE Champion CM Punk didn’t do it. He says that he doesn’t want to be a show-off, but he claims that he himself is the new face of the WWE.
Back in the arena, Dolph Ziggler (accompanied by Vickie Guerrero and sporting a new version of his Downstait theme) takes on CM Punk in a match which sees Punk get the victory, when he counters Ziggler’s fame-asser attempt and follows it up by hitting Ziggler with the GTS for the 3-count.
After an odd video that seems to tease the return of Kane, The Big Show makes his way out onto the stage and talks about how anyone who missed Survivor Series missed an epic night. He points out what he proved at Survivor Series, and suggests that when Mark Henry realised the way things were going, he took the easy way out.
Show says that Henry may have thought it was over, but he had already told him that only one of them was going to walk out of the PPV. He says that Henry left as the World Heavyweight Champion, but he got carted out.
He says that when Henry comes back, he has something waiting for him, as he holds up a fist, and he tells him to bring his World Heavyweight Championship with him.
After an interaction between Kelly Kelly, Alicia Fox, Beth Phoenix, and Natalya promoting WWE ’12, Wade Barrett is pitted against Kofi Kingston in a match which sees Barrett get the victory, when he hits Kingston with The Wasteland for the 3-count.
Afterwards, Barrett points out to Orton (who is standing outside the ring after causing a distraction earlier on that allowed Kingston to get back into the match) that he won the match, but when Orton feints that he is going to enter the ring, Barrett quickly steps back.
Next, John Cena makes his way to the ring and talks about how it has been an interesting twenty-four hours, and that even now he can look around and see the excitement and feel the energy. He says that everyone finally knows who Zack Ryder is (and points out that people should follow him on Twitter at @ZackRyder), CM Punk is the new WWE Champion, and the question on everyone’s mind on whether John Cena and The Rock could co-exist as a team was answered as a “yes” as they defeated R-Truth and The Miz.
Cena mentions that after the match The Rock stopped everything and asked him into the ring, and knowing him, he knew that he wasn’t asking him into the ring to share a box of Fruity Pebbles. He says that he met him face-to-face and after some choice words that he won’t repeat, he found himself as the recipient of a Rock Bottom.
He says that The Rock proved at Survivor Series that he has never lost it, and that it means that their match at WrestleMania will be everything that it needs to be. Before Cena can say anything more however, The Awesome Truth (R-Truth and The Miz) decide to make their presence known.
The Miz plays the “really” game and asks if by “the two biggest” John Cena is referring to means “the two biggest egos”, as he won’t even admit how The Rock showed him up at Survivor Series. He says that Cena is out there painting a happy picture about how emotional it was and what a great tag team they were, but that he failed to mention that he had an arena full of people chanting “don’t tag Cena” to The Rock – a chant that the Raw crowd are happy to repeat.
He says that John Cena is always saying “you can’t see me” and says that at Survivor Series, nobody wanted to see Cena. R-Truth asks Cena what colour the sky is in his world, saying that Cena should forget about talking about what WrestleMania needs to be, and instead he should focus on what it is going to be.
Truth says that it will be The Rock putting boots to asses, of the “booter to the tooter”, of his “fruity booty”, all over Miami. He says that “CeNation” is about to turn into “see ya later nation”. Cena tells him to shut up and says that both men need to worry about one member of the CeNation, which is himself.
John Cena says that if they test him again, he will knock the make-up off The Miz’s face, and that he will rip R-Truth’s braids out of his head and bootleg them as hair extensions, and melt down the gold in his teeth and sell them to Mr. T.
He says that two things happened at Survivor Series; the first that it was proved that The Rock has still got it and he is ready for WrestleMania, and the second is that nobody cares about The Miz and R-Truth at all.
Cena says that after all this time they try to convince everyone that they should be a legitimate threat, and that everyone should be afraid of The Awesome Truth. What Cena says is awesome, is that The Miz thinks that R-Truth is a whacked-out nut-job who never had any talent and is riding his coattails, and that the truth is that R-Truth thinks that The Miz is a pompous, arrogant, attention-stealing D-Lister whose only accomplishment was being a skinny loud-mouth on a crappy reality show.
His last parting shot is to tell them not too boo him, and that they should be booing themselves. R-Truth confronts The Miz about what Cena just said and asks him if he really thinks that, only to get called stupid and told that Cena is trying to play him.
Truth isn’t very happy about being called stupid, and the confrontation worsens until a shove from The Miz makes R-Truth decide to attack him. The Miz quickly backs away and manages to convince R-Truth that it is all Cena who is just trying to play them off against each other, and convinces him that they should both go after Cena.
The Miz and R-Truth exit the ring and head up the ramp, but as they reach the top of the ramp, The Miz suddenly grabs R-Truth, turns him around, and hits him with the Skull-Crushing Finale onto the ramp.
The downed R-Truth is shown being approached by referees and others as Raw goes off the air.