Raw Fusion: Somebody Call My Momma

by Firefly on 10th January 2012

The 9th January 2012 episode of Monday Night Raw starts with a video recapping the tag team match last week and its aftermath involving Kane and the near-barbecuing of Zack Ryder, followed by Kane making his way to the ring to kick off this episode of the show.

Kane talks about how the fans apparently live lives full of hate, but that they don’t embrace it, either because they are too cowardly, or because they have filled their lives with delusions of hope like John Cena.

He says that Cena represents hope, success, and all the things that the people aspire to achieve but cannot, and when they see Cena what they should be seeing is their own failures, shortcomings, and unfulfilled dreams.

Kane says that it should anger the fans and it does, as when they say “Cena sucks”, what they are really saying is that they themselves suck, which Kane says they do, as they refuse to embrace the hate which is bubbling up inside them like a festering cauldron.

He says that they like to think of themselves as decent human beings but that they are all liars, and they think that cheering for an underdog makes them good and decent. Kane points out that the fans made Zack Ryder a star, but it proves nothing, as last week he was seconds away from pulling Ryder into the depths of hell, until John Cena stopped it.

Kane says however that Cena only delayed the inevitable, as Kane always gets what he wants, and what he wants are consequences for refusing to embrace hate. It is at this point that John Cena’s music hits, and he hits the ring to fight Kane.

The fight ends up going out of the arena, through the hallways, and outside to where the production truck is located. After Kane gains the upper-hand on Cena, Cena starts to recover, only to look around and find Kane nowhere to be found.

After a video recapping the events involving Wade Barrett, Sheamus, and Jinder Mahal last week on SmackDown! (click here for our SmackDown! report), Sheamus and Santino Marella take on Jinder Mahal and Wade Barrett in a tag team match which sees Marella get the victory for his team, when Sheamus hits Mahal with the Brogue Kick and then tags Marella in, who hits Mahal with The Cobra for the 3-count.

After an interaction involving John Laurinaitis, The Miz, and David Otunga in which The Miz is reminded it is his own fault and Laurinaitis says that we will finally see the re-début of Brodus Clay, Edge is announced as the first inductee to the 2012 Hall Of Fame (though technically second as Mil Mascaras was announced as an inductee in October 2011).

After The Miz is seen attempting to find a bodyguard in Mason Ryan but failing, and an interaction between Zack Ryder and Eve Torres that sees Eve agreeing to go on a date with Ryder after her later match to earn a shot at the Divas Championship, Kofi Kingston is pitted against Daniel Bryan in a Champion vs. Champion match.

The match sees Bryan get the victory, when he counters Kingston’s crossbody attempt into the LeBell Lock, forcing him to tap out. Afterwards, The Big Show’s music hits and he makes his way to the ring, where Bryan says that he already knows what Show is going to say and that he agrees.

Bryan says that he hated the way their World Heavyweight Championship match ended last week as it is much too prestigious to be defended in that way, and as he is a fighting champion, he will give Show a title match whenever he wants it.

Show is happy to hear this, as he says that Teddy Long also agrees and they will have their rematch this coming Friday on SmackDown!, and that this time the match will have no count-outs or disqualifications.

After a video hyping the 2012 Royal Rumble and recapping the 1994 Royal Rumble match which was won by both Lex Luger and Bret “The Hitman” Hart, Brodus Clay finally makes his re-début, as “The Funkasaurus” Brodus Clay (accompanied by two dancers) and using the “Somebody Call My Momma” theme previously used by Ernest “The Cat” Miller a number of years ago.

Clay is pitted against Curt Hawkins in a match which sees Clay get the victory, when he hits Hawkins with a splash in the corner, and follows it up by leaping at Hawkins and pinning him for the 3-count.

After Zack Ryder is shown brushing his teeth and looking around in case Kane makes an appearance, and an interaction between The Miz and Rosa Mendes, Primo, and Epico that is followed by an interaction between The Miz and CM Punk that sees The Miz storm off, Jack Swagger (accompanied by Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler) goes against CM Punk.

Before the match takes place however, Vice President Of Talent Relations and Interim General Manager of Raw John Laurinaitis makes his way to ringside and says that to show that he will be impartial, if Punk wins this match then Vickie and Swagger will be banned from ringside in the WWE Championship match between CM Punk and Dolph Ziggler at the Royal Rumble.

The match sees Punk get the victory, when he hits Swagger with a diving elbow for the 3-count, though it is not without controversy as subsequent replays show that Swagger got his shoulder up before the referee counted the three.

After an interaction between Zack Ryder and John Cena, and an interaction involving The Bella Twins and Ricardo Rodriguez, which is interrupted by The Miz, who convinces Rodriguez to call out R-Truth on threat of joining Alberto Del Rio on the injured list, The Four Horsemen are announced as the next inductees into the 2012 Hall Of Fame.

Back in the arena, Ricardo Rodriguez succeeds in convincing R-Truth to come out to the ring, as he insults his mother and tells him that he smells bad, but R-Truth says not to worry as he is a good R-Truth and that Little Jimmy told him to let bygones be bygones and let him go.

When R-Truth asks Little Jimmy (AKA the crowd) however, it is made clear that they don’t like Rodriguez and that Truth shouldn’t let him go after all. Truth tells Rodriguez not to worry, before commenting that he is bugging out like a little cockroach.

The comment apparently gives R-Truth an idea however, as he then convinces Ricardo Rodriguez to sing “La Cucaracha”, but when Rodriguez starts to get too excited singing it by adding in a remix, and knocks the microphone from Truth’s hand when he asks him to sing it one more time, Truth hits him with the jumping reverse STO.

Ricardo Rodriguez seems to have done what was required however, as The Miz enters the ring behind R-Truth, having apparently entered through the crowd, and attacks him. Unfortunately for The Miz however, R-Truth manages to regain the upper-hand, and causes The Miz to high-tail it back out through the crowd.

Next, Chris Jericho is introduced as the only man to defeat The Rock and “Stone Cold” Steve Austin in one night to become the Undisputed WWE Champion, but once more he does not anything, instead apparently getting happily upset at the great reaction he is receiving, and leaving once again without a word.

After a video hyping the Royal Rumble and recapping the 1998 Royal Rumble match which was won by “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, Eve Torres is set to take on Beth Phoenix to earn a shot at the Divas Championship, but when it is time for her opponent to be introduced, Kane’s music and video is the one shown instead.

Eve quickly looks for a way to escape and avoid wherever Kane could be, with Zack Ryder quickly joining her and taking her with him through the halls and to his car outside, which it is revealed has a flat tyre. Ryder quickly starts to attempt to change the tyre as he urges Eve to stay inside the car and lock the doors.

Next up, John Cena is pitted against Dolph Ziggler in a match which is interrupted by the appearance on the titantron of Zack Ryder changing the tyre outside, where he is then seen to be attacked by Kane and ends up being chokeslammed off the loading bay in the parking lot.

Ziggler keeps trying to take advantage of the distraction, but Cena eventually manages to get away and makes his way out to the parking lot too, where Kane isn’t immediately visible to him, but soon is made obvious as he he starts to attack Cena.

While Zack Ryder is clearly laid out at the bottom of the loading bay, Kane takes out John Cena with his suffocating hold, just feet away at the top of the loading bay, and Kane looks on at his handiwork as Raw goes off the air.

About the Author: Firefly

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Discovering WCW Monday Nitro in the 1990s, he has been hooked on wrestling ever since, later going on to also discover WWF (now WWE), and even later numerous independent promotions, IMPACT Wrestling (Formerly known as TNA) and now the very captivating challenger known as AEW.

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