SD Fusion: Wretch Of Humanity

by on 25th March 2012

The 16th March 2012 episode of Friday Night SmackDown! starts with Christian making his way to the ring to host The Peep Show. He talks about there being a 12-Man Tag Team match at WrestleMania between a team headed by Teddy Long and a team headed by John Laurinaitis, which will affect the WWE’s future as it will determine the General Manager for both brands.

Christian introduces John Laurinaitis and David Otunga as his guests, and Laurinaitis welcomes Christian back in return and proclaims it to be an honour for himself and Otunga to be on The Peep Show, which Christian returns as he says that it is an honour to have them there.

After he introduces his next guest, Teddy Long, who is accompanied by Aksana, Christian gives both men a chance to convince him why he should be on their team at WrestleMania. When Long seems unimpressed, Christian asks for what he deserves, and says that he deserves one more match for the World Heavyweight Championship.

Long says that Christian has already got what he deserves, and if he thinks that he is going to get down on his knees and beg him to be on his team at WrestleMania, then he has another thing coming, because when his team wins and he gets control, any Superstar who wants a title match will have to earn it, regardless of who they are.

When Long talks about there being no opportunities for anyone who annoys or disrespects him, Laurinaitis interrupts and asks what he knows about respect. Laurinaitis says that he respects Christian’s talent, and says that it would be an honour for Christian to be on his team at WrestleMania.

Laurinaitis also promises that when his team wins, Christian will get one more match for the World Heavyweight Championship. Christian thanks him, and says that when that opportunity comes, he will not fail.

Christian turns his attention to Teddy Long, and continues by saying that he will not fail unlike Long, who has just failed. He says that this will be forever be known as the night as the night that the scales tipped and that Christian officially joins “Team Johnny”.

Christian’s music hits and he, along with Otunga and Laurinaitis, poses with his t-shirt, until Long decides to interrupt the moment. He sarcastically apologises for breaking up the emotional moment, but he says that since Christian is back, the time for talking is all done and it is time for action.

As a result, he tells Christian that he will be in action. John Laurinaitis interrupts however, and says that because of Teddy Long, Christian is not medically cleared. Long states in that case, he is going to put Otunga in a match instead, against the newest member of “Team Teddy” who he then introduces and who makes their way to the ring with Santino Marella, Kofi Kingston.

Now, John Laurinaitis and Teddy Long join commentary as Kofi Kingston takes on David Otunga in a match which sees the referee order Christian to the back after Long confirms that he tripped Kingston, and which also sees Kingston get the victory, when he takes advantage of Otunga’s distracted state (as Marella had stopped him from using his belt), and hits him with Trouble In Paradise for the 3-count.

After an interaction between Daniel Bryan and AJ, in which AJ says that the dress he bought her is too big and Bryan says that it looked better on the mannequin, and also says that he got her a match that could lead to a Divas Championship match and that he will be in her corner for it, AJ (with Daniel Bryan in her corner) is pitted against Nikki Bella (accompanied by Brie).

The match sees Bryan foil the “Twin Magic” attempt by The Bella Twins when he points it out to the referee, and also sees AJ get the victory, when she rolls up Nikki for the 3-count.

After a video recapping John Cena’s rap and The Rock’s concert on Monday Night Raw (click here for our Raw report), and the announcers informing us that John Cena will face Mark Henry on the next episode of Raw, Matt Striker interviews Cody Rhodes about how he expects to successfully defend his Intercontinental Championship against The Big Show at WrestleMania.

Rhodes says that this is Chess not Chequers, and that Striker said the magical word “WrestleMania”. He says that Show is a destroyer for every other day of the year and may be the most dominating force in WWE history, but on that one day, he’s a choke artist, as he has never won a one-on-one contest at WrestleMania, so as for how he is going to defeat an angry giant, to just watch.

Next, Cody Rhodes goes against The Great Khali in a match which sees Rhodes get the victory, when he hits Khali with the Disaster Kick (a springboard kick to the head) for the 3-count, after having dropped Khali to his knees.

After a video recapping the events of last week involving Kane and Randy Orton, Randy Orton makes his way to the ring and talks about how when he has a problem with somebody, he doesn’t usually come out and talk about it, but instead hunts them down.

He says that over the past few weeks, it feels like he is the one who is being hunted – by Kane. Orton says that they are both going down a path that leads to them destroying one another, but before that happens, he says that he has to know why Kane chose him.

Orton says that he is not John Cena, and that he embraces hate, and in turn hate embraces him. He says to call it morbid curiosity, but he calls Kane out to explain himself, as he says that when the time comes to put Kane down, he wants to know why he had to do it.

Kane obliges him, as he makes his way out onto the stage and asks if it makes Orton uncomfortable living in the unknown. He says that normally he would enjoy watching Orton twist in the wind, wondering why or how he would strike next, but as Orton asked so politely, he will fill him in, as Orton has obviously forgotten it, despite it being something that Kane obsesses over.

He then rolls footage from an episode of SmackDown! from last Summer (click here for our 22nd July 2011 SmackDown! report), in which Orton defeated Kane and both men shook hands afterwards. Kane says that he watches that footage every single day to remind him of what he had become, a “wretched, wrangled, wretch of humanity”.

Kane says that the person who shook Randy Orton’s hand has gone, and has instead been replaced by the monster that Kane should have always been, but he says that the journey isn’t complete, as the WWE isn’t big enough for the both of them.

He says that he needs closure, and that he will not become whole again until he has utterly and completely decimated Orton. Orton thanks him for the enlightenment, and tells him to shut his mouth, make his way to the ring, and see if he can finish what he started.

Kane starts to walk down the ramp, but stops after a few steps and says that slaughtering Orton right now would not satiate his craving for Orton’s suffering. He says that when he ends Orton, he wants it to be on the biggest stage possible, and that he wants Orton’s demise to happen at WrestleMania.

After a video recapping the match last week that saw Drew McIntyre get his job back, Drew McIntyre makes his way to the ring. Teddy Long appears on the titantron and says that he knows that when John Laurinaitis was in charge last week, he knows that McIntyre signed a one-year no-cut contract.

Long says that he isn’t hating on McIntyre however as he is excited that he is back too, because it gives him a chance to put him in a match with “this” man, who is quickly revealed as The Big Show.

Drew McIntyre takes on The Big Show in a match which sees Show get the victory, when he hits McIntyre with a chokeslam, and follows it up with the Weapon Of Mass Destruction, causing the referee to stop the match after determining that McIntyre cannot continue.

Next up, Mark Henry is pitted against Yoshi Tatsu in a match which sees Henry get the victory, when he hits Tatsu with the World’s Strongest Slam for the 3-count.

After a video from “Z! True Long Island Story” in which Zack Ryder asks for a spot on “Team Teddy”, Chris Jericho makes his way to the ring as he has something to say.

He says that before he dismantles Sheamus, he wants to talk about his comments about CM Punk’s father on Raw. Jericho says that he can tell from the thousands of hateful tweets and emails he received, that many people aren’t happy with what he said and want him to apologise.

Jericho says that he knows that they think that he went over the line, but he says that you can never go over the line when you are telling the truth, and that he told the truth about CM Punk. He says that the truth is that Punk is a fraud, a typical product of an alcoholic father and a broken home, and a man who has hundreds of tattoos across his body to try to hide the fact that he has an alcoholic gene running through his veins.

He says that Punk writes an “X” on his hand to hide who he is, but he has figured him out and knows him better than he knows himself, as he knows that Punk stayed up as a child crying because of what his father was doing to him, and that when Punk unleashes one of his famous “pipe bombs”, he is really wishing he could say those things to his parents and family.

Jericho says that he knows that every time that CM Punk makes his way to the ring and hears the crowd chanting “CM Punk”, hiding behind the role of the sarcastic anti-hero, that he really wishes that the demons in his head will really go away – but that they will never really go away.

He says that Punk wishes that he is the “Best In The World”, but he is not, as Jericho is “The Best In The World” at everything he does, while Punk wishes he could be, and wishes he could be Jericho, as he is a Chris Jericho wannabe, just like all of the crowd attending this episode of SmackDown!.

Jericho calls the crowd “Jerichlones” and say that they will never be what he is, as he proves it every night, and that he will prove it on this episode too as he will beat Sheamus, and that he will prove it at WrestleMania too when he beats CM Punk and leaves the stadium as the new WWE Champion.

He says that at the WrestleMania after-party, he is going to fix himself a nice, stiff cocktail, take a nice big drink, hold it up to the sky, and make a toast – not just to himself, but to CM Punk and his pathetic father.

Jericho tells the crowd to go ahead and chant for one of the last times, for their anti-hero “CM Punk”, as he joins in but calling him “CM Drunk”, which he then proclaims to be a “pipe bomb”.

After hyping that Triple H, Shawn Michaels, and The Undertaker will be in the same ring on the next episode of Raw, Chris Jericho takes on Sheamus in a match which sees Daniel Bryan and AJ make their way to ringside to watch up close, and also sees Jericho get the victory as a result of a count-out, when Bryan takes advantage of the referee’s distracted state and hits Sheamus with a dropkick to the head on the outside.

Afterwards, an angry Sheamus hits Jericho with a Brogue Kick, before then glaring at Bryan from the ring, while Bryan simply grins back from the stage, as SmackDown! goes off the air.

About the Author:

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Discovering WCW Monday Nitro in the 1990s, he has been hooked on wrestling ever since, later going on to also discover WWF (now WWE), ECW and numerous independent promotions.


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