Raw Fusion: The Three Stooges

by on 12th April 2012

The 9th April 2012 episode of Monday Night Raw starts with the announcers hyping that the Guest Stars on this episode will be the stars of the upcoming movie “The Three Stooges”, followed by John Laurinaitis making his way to the ring with David Otunga.

After rolling the footage of the events of last week involving Brock Lesnar and John Cena, Laurinaitis introduces who he calls the new face of the WWE, the man who he says he will face John Cena at Extreme Rules and bring legitimacy back to the WWE, Brock Lesnar.

Brock Lesnar’s music hits and he makes his way to the ring, where he thanks Laurinaitis for having the wisdom to bring legitimacy back to the WWE. Before he can say any more however, John Cena’s music hits and he makes his way to the ring too.

Cena enters the ring and walks up to Lesnar, where he then proceeds to slap him, causing Lesnar to take him down. The brawl that results ends up emptying the locker room of Superstars and referees to try to separate the two men, but both men manage to break free a number of times, and Cena receives a bloody mouth from Lesnar’s actions.

After an interaction backstage between John Laurinaitis and Teddy Long, in which Laurinaitis yells at Long for not being able to contain Cena, and then orders him to bring Cena to him to tell him what happened, an interaction between Eve Torres and Laurinaitis in which she invites him to call her to discuss things, and a video recapping the events of last week involving Brodus Clay, Santino Marella, Jack Swagger, and Dolph Ziggler, Brodus Clay and Santino Marella (accompanied by Cameron and Naomi) take on Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger in a tag team match which sees Clay get the victory, when he hits Ziggler with a body splash for the 3-count.

After an interaction between The Miz and John Laurinaitis, in which Laurinaitis suggests that they talk next week as things are too hectic this week, an interaction between Laurinaitis and John Cena sees Cena say that when he says that he loves this, it means that he likes to hit and be hit, and that he is just getting warmed up and will handle his business at Extreme Rules.

Cena tells Laurinaitis that despite the fact that Laurinaitis may usually get scared at the sight of blood and want to give him the night off, he wants to fight tonight, so suggests that he give him a match, anyone, any time, so after Cena leaves, Laurinaitis tells Teddy Long to tell Otunga that he will be facing Cena later on, and that Laurinaitis will be accompanying him.

After an interaction backstage between Santino Marella and Kane when Marella is trying to find the Three Stooges, thus resulting in Marella running away as fast as he can, R-Truth is pitted against Cody Rhodes in a match which sees The Big Show interrupt and embarrass Rhodes with footage from last week, and R-Truth take advantage of the distraction to get the victory, when he hits Rhodes with the “Little Jimmy” for the 3-count.

After an interaction backstage between Santino Marella and The Three Stooges, Lord Tensai (accompanied by Sakamoto) goes against Yoshi Tatsu in a match which sees Tensai get the victory as a result of the referee stopping the match. Afterwards in a repeat of last week, Tensai spits some sort of mist into his hand and applies a claw to the head of Tatsu.

After a video recapping the events of last week involving CM Punk and Chris Jericho, CM Punk makes his way to the ring and talks about how he understands how Straight-Edge isn’t a concept that everyone gets, but he explains that it is a personal choice, not one that he made to fit in somewhere or to be cool or trendy, but because it is a way of life.

He says that he has talked before about how proud he is to be Straight-Edge, but that his actual reasons for doing so have been kept close to his chest for a number of reasons, with the first being that he doesn’t think that it is anyone’s business, and with the second being who cares if he is Straight-Edge.

Punk says that he never wanted anyone to feel sorry for him and he never wanted to make any excuses for himself, and that he told himself a long time ago that he was going to make it to the top of the WWE, and that if he made it to the top of the WWE, it was going to be because he is the best damn wrestler in the world.

He continues by saying that along comes Chris Jericho, who comes back and tries to get into his head by saying that he is the best wrestler in the world, so when that doesn’t work, Jericho decides to destroy the privacy that Punk has fought his entire life to keep.

Punk says that Jericho told the world that his father is an alcoholic, made up lies about his sister having a drug abuse problem, and defrocked his mother by saying that Punk is a bastard. He says that at WrestleMania none of it worked and he made Jericho tap out, but Jericho took it one step further the next night on Raw, by pouring whisky over him and smashing the bottle against the back of his head.

He says that as he lay there going in and out of consciousness, struggling to regain some semblance of where he was, he wasn’t thinking about how bad he was hurt or whether he would be able to go in the international tour in two weeks, but there was one thought in his head, and that thought was that he smelled exactly like his father did.

CM Punk talks about how it was a smell that would hit him when he got home from school, or when his father picked him up from Little League, but he is interrupted from further mentions as Chris Jericho makes an appearance on the titantron.

Jericho says that it is quite the story, but he asks what the matter is with Punk, saying that he looks a little green around the gills, and asks if Punk is still a little hung-over or tipsy. He says that he’s sure Punk will get used to it, and that if he’s shocked about how easy it was for Jericho to do, he wonders if the WWE Universe is witnessing Punk in the middle of his first bender.

Punk says that it is not any of those things, but Jericho claims that Punk is in denial, and that the first of twelve steps to an alcoholic’s recovery is to admit that he is powerless against alcohol and that it is taking control of his life, and that his life is unmanageable.

Jericho says that this is what he can the “wannabes” can see, and that they don’t see a WWE Champion, or “The Best In The World”, but instead see a pathetic, living, breathing loser. He tells Punk to face the fact that when he broke Punk’s lifelong vow of sobriety last week, he didn’t just for him to have his first take of alcohol, but instead forced him to see for the first time how it is to be “CM Drunk”.

CM Punk says that the only thing that Chris Jericho broke last week was a bottle, and that he can’t break him. He says that Jericho can bring up all of these memories and emotions, but that his failure is not realising that he has made the biggest mistake of his life, because the dark place that Jericho has sent Punk to is going to be used by Punk, and Punk is going to channel it, ball up his fists, and use every single memory and emotion against Jericho, because it is no longer about being “The Best In The World”, but instead about Punk kicking Jericho’s ass.

Now, CM Punk takes on Mark Henry for the WWE Championship in a match which sees Henry get the victory as a result of a disqualification, when Punk hits Henry with one of the television monitors from the announce table, thus retaining his title in the process.

Afterwards, Punk aims to hit Henry with it again, but he is distracted by the appearance of Chris Jericho, which allows Henry to get up and take Punk out with the World’s Strongest Slam – twice. Jericho makes his way to the ring with a pack of beer in each hand, and he opens one to take out a can, getting ready to pour it over Punk.

Punk starts to attack Jericho, but he is taken out once again by a Codebreaker from Jericho, who then opens a can of beer and pours it over the downed Punk, followed by many more cans until the referees are able to convince him to leave, but not before Jericho taunts the downed Punk with the WWE Championship.

After a video recapping the events of Friday Night SmackDown! involving Alberto Del Rio and Sheamus, and Sheamus’ actions afterwards towards referee Chad Patton (click here for our SmackDown! report), Zack Ryder is pitted against Alberto Del Rio in a match which sees Del Rio get the victory, when he forces Ryder to tap out to the cross-armbreaker.

Next, two of the Three Stooges make their way to the ring and say that they are happy to be on Raw, but that they aren’t sure where the third of their number is, but they find out rather quickly as “Real American” hits and he makes his way out dressed as Hulk Hogan.

The other two point out that he looks the part, but that his voice doesn’t match, so they tells him to stick his tongue out, and then slaps it, causing him to exclaim “that hurt, brother!” in a rather accurate imitation of Hogan.

He proceeds to plug their upcoming movie, but Kane’s pyro off and him making his way to the ring marks the end of that, much to the approval of the crowd. Though two of the Three Stooges bail out after Kane sets off his ring pyro, Kane grabs “Hulk Hogan” and hits him with a chokeslam before leaving again.

After Josh Mathews interviews Mark Henry about what happened earlier on, a video recapping the events earlier in the night between John Cena and Brock Lesnar, and Josh Mathews interviewing Brock Lesnar, a video/photo combination recaps the events of the Hell In A Cell match at WrestleMania and the thoughts of a number of the Superstars regarding it (click here for our WrestleMania XXVIII report).

Now, David Otunga (accompanied by John Laurinaitis) goes against John Cena in a match which sees Cena get the victory, when he hits Otunga with an Attitude Adjustment, and follows it up by forcing Otunga to tap out to the STF.

Afterwards, Cena has little time to celebrate as he is ambushed from behind with an apparent low-blow by Brock Lesnar, who then proceeds to hit Cena with an F-5.

Lesnar exits up the ramp and watches the downed Cena, while the crowd call for Lesnar to to it one more time, as Raw goes off the air.

About the Author:

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Discovering WCW Monday Nitro in the 1990s, he has been hooked on wrestling ever since, later going on to also discover WWF (now WWE), ECW and numerous independent promotions.

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