Raw Fusion: Elementary, Little Jimmy
The 16th April 2012 episode of Monday Night Raw starts with a video recapping the events between Chris Jericho and CM Punk two weeks ago, followed by CM Punk taking on Mark Henry in a No Disqualification match for the WWE Championship.
The match sees Punk get the victory and retain his title, when he hits a diving elbow drop with the assistance of a steel chair for the 3-count. Afterwards, Chris Jericho appears on the titantron and talks about how he has dominated Punk over the past few weeks and has been granted a WWE Championship match against Punk at Extreme Rules, which will be a “Chicago Street Fight”.
CM Punk tells Jericho that he doesn’t know how Jericho will survive a Chicago Street Fight, if he just saw what Punk did to Henry. He says that this is no longer about being the “Best In The World”, and expresses happiness that Jericho is telling him that he’ll be able to kick his ass in front of his family in Chicago.
Jericho asks if Punk has some whisky goggles on, and asks Punk to promise to show up to Extreme Rules sober, with his faculties complete. He says that this is because he saw what Punk did earlier in the day, as he then shows footage of Punk entering and leaving a London pub earlier in the day.
When asked by Jericho what he was doing in a pub just hours before the show, and whether he was drinking and is drunk right now, Punk invites Jericho to be a man and come and smell his breath for himself to find out if he is drunk or not.
Punk says that he is Straight-Edge and doesn’t drink, but that it doesn’t mean that his friends don’t, and he asks if that means that he can’t go to a pub and have some fish and chips with a friend of his – prompting a “fish and chips” chant from the crowd.
Chris Jericho isn’t convinced however, and claims that CM Punk is starting to sound just like his father and is in denial, asking if this is how is started for Punk’s father, pointing out that Punk could have gone for fish and chips anywhere, and saying that Punk wanted to be surrounded by alcohol.
He says that Punk is on the path to alcoholism and that him being Straight-Edge is just a façade, as Punk has lost his dignity, honour, personal beliefs, and that at Extreme Rules will also lose the only thing that he has left – the WWE Championship, and he disappears from the titantron before Punk can respond.
After an interaction involving R-Truth (dressed as Sherlock Holmes) and Teddy Long, Santino Marella is pitted against David Otunga for the United States Championship, but before the match takes place, he takes off a number of football (soccer) shirts until he reaches one (an England shirt) that makes the crowd cheer instead of boo.
The match sees Marella get the victory and retain his title, when he hits Otunga with The Cobra for the 3-count.
After Josh Mathews interviews Lord Tensai (with Sakamoto), a video of Brock Lesnar commenting on John Cena in which he says that if he had stayed, John Cena would be the guy carrying his bags, Zack Ryder goes against Kane in a match which sees Ryder get kicked off the apron before the match can officially be started.
The match never does get officially started either, as Kane continues to attack Ryder and rolls him into the ring, where he hits Ryder with a chokeslam and then grabs a microphone. Addressing Randy Orton, Kane says that it was a joyful family reunion last week on SmackDown! (click here for our SmackDown! report), with both Randy Orton and his father “Cowboy” Bob Orton laying together helpless, after being attacked by Kane.
He says that he expected Bob Orton to go down without a fight, but who would have ever thought that “The Viper” would be so easy, but Kane guesses that it is true what they say “like father, like son”, and he then leaves.
After an interaction between AJ, Kofi Kingston, and Daniel Bryan, in which Bryan renames the LeBell Lock to the Yes Lock, and a video recapping the events of last week between Brock Lesnar and John Cena, John Cena’s music hits and he makes his way to the ring.
He talks about how WrestleMania could mark the end of an era, with that era being his, as John Laurinaitis became the most powerful man in the WWE (click here for our WrestleMania XXVIII report), and when you ask the “most powerful man in the WWE” what he thinks of Cena, he would sound like some fans and say “Cena sucks”.
Cena says that Laurinaitis isn’t man enough to fire him, so instead claims to want to legitimise “all of this”, so goes out and gets Brock Lesnar. He says that Lesnar doesn’t care about winning over any fans, but that he stands for destruction, for pain, dominance, and at Extreme Rules, for torture.
He says that he steps into the ring with a man whose sole purpose is to replace Cena, but he says that he will fight at Extreme Rules and doesn’t care if it is only to take an “ass-whooping”, as he will fight.
John Laurinaitis makes his way out onto the stage, where he says that Cena is right about it being the end of an era, but says that it is the beginning of a new era, one of “People Power”, and he is also glad that Cena wants to fight, as he says that the WWE Universe wants to see Cena fight.
He says to give everyone a taste of what will happen at Extreme Rules, he is going to put him in an Extreme Rules match on this episode of Raw, and he also reminds Cena that next week on a 3-hour episode of Raw, there will be a contract signing between John Cena and Brock Lesnar. Laurinaitis says that he won’t tell Cena who he will be facing in his Extreme Rules match later on in this episode, as that makes it more exciting.
After an interaction between R-Truth and Hornswoggle, Kofi Kingston takes on Daniel Bryan in a match which sees Bryan get the victory, when he forces Kingston to tap out to the newly-renamed Yes Lock.
Afterwards, he re-applies the Yes Lock to add further punishment – until Sheamus’ music hits and he makes his way to the ring for the save, but Bryan manages to duck the Brogue Kick aimed at him and bail out of the ring and up the ramp.
Next, “Funkasaurus” Brodus Clay (accompanied by Cameron and Naomi) is pitted against Dolph Ziggler (accompanied by Vickie Guerrero and Jack Swagger) in a match which sees Clay get the victory as a result of a disqualification, when Swagger attempts to take a shot at Clay in full view of the referee.
Afterwards, Swagger and Ziggler bail out, but Vickie gets embarrassed by Clay, Cameron, and Naomi.
After an interaction between John Laurinaitis, Eve Torres, and David Otunga, and a video commemorating the late WWE Hall Of Famer Chief Jay Strongbow, and another interaction between R-Truth and Teddy Long, The Great Khali and The Big Show go against Epico and Primo (accompanied by Rosa Mendes) in a tag team match which sees Khali and Show get the victory, when Khali hits a Punjabi Plunge, Show hits a chokeslam, and both of them cover for a 3-count.
Now, John Cena takes on a mystery opponent in an Extreme Rules match, with John Laurinaitis making his way out onto the stage with David Otunga, and revealing that Cena’s opponent will be Lord Tensai (accompanied by Sakamoto).
The match sees Otunga get hit with an Attitude Adjustment by Cena when he attempts to interfere, but it also sees Tensai take advantage of the distraction, as he sprays Cena in the face with green mist and then hits Cena with a chokebomb for the 3-count.
Tensai celebrates in the ring, while Laurinaitis shows his happiness outside the ring, as Raw goes off the air.