Raw Fusion: COPS & Contract Signings
The 23rd April 2012 3-hour episode of Monday Night Raw starts with Teddy Long standing in the ring to kick off the show with the contract signing between John Cena and Brock Lesnar for their match Extreme Rules.
He first introduces John Cena, but when Brock Lesnar is introduced, he fails to make his way to the ring, and instead John Laurinaitis makes his way out onto the stage. Laurinaitis asks Long what he is doing, claiming that he told him that Brock Lesnar is not there yet, but Long says that Laurinaitis sent him out there to do the contract signing, something which Laurinaitis denies.
Laurinaitis tells Long to tell Cena that there will be a contract signing when Lesnar arrives, and on Lesnar’s terms, and that he would also like Long to tell Cena that he shouldn’t be in such a big hurry to sign that contract anyway, as this could possibly be his last night on Raw and he should enjoy it.
He then tells Long to tell Cena to leave “his” ring, which Long has no other choice but to do. John Laurinaitis then welcomes the crowd to Monday Night Raw and “People Power”, and he starts to introduce himself when he is interrupted by WWE Hall Of Famer Edge’s music hitting and him making his way out and then to the ring.
Edge says that he isn’t supposed to be there, and in fact in a couple of days won’t even be in contract any more, but he says that he came to talk to John Cena. He says that he could have done it in private, but he thought that it would have more impact to do it in public.
He says that he didn’t come to talk to “this” John Cena, as he doesn’t even know who the hell this John Cena is, because he came to talk to the John Cena who was his greatest rival in the industry. Edge says that he came to talk to the John Cena who walked into Edge’s home-town of Toronto and beat him in his own match – TLC – by putting him through two tables from a ladder, and who beat the hell out of him and threw him into the Long Island Sound.
Edge says that this is not that John Cena and he doesn’t know where he went, and he doesn’t know if it was the loss to The Rock, though he knows that guys change after big losses, with examples being Andre The Giant after Hulk Hogan, Bret Hart after the Montreal Screwjob, and even The Rock after Brock Lesnar, but he says that what Cena doesn’t understand is that he can’t lose and has to find that John Cena.
He says that with all of their differences, there was one similarity that they always had, namely that all they both wanted to do was “this” (wrestle), but he asks if he thinks that Brock Lesnar gives a damn about the fans and comments that Lesnar only cares if they can line his pockets.
Edge says that Cena needs to wake up, as if he doesn’t then it is a slap to the face of people who love the industry, like Shawn Michaels, The Undertaker, and Edge himself. He yells at Cena to wake up, and says that he is not asking him to beat Brock Lesnar – he is telling him to.
Next, Chris Jericho takes on Kofi Kingston in a match which sees Jericho get the victory, when he counters Kingston’s springboard move into the Codebreaker, and follows it up by putting Kingston in the Walls Of Jericho, forcing him to tap out.
Afterwards, Jericho grabs a microphone and says that what just happened is proof that at Extreme Rules he will become the new WWE Champion, and he says that CM Punk knows all about being extreme, saying that he has an extremely alcoholic father, an extremely drug-addicted sister, an extremely morally-challenged mother, and an extreme disappointment and failure as a champion and human being, and in front of his home-town, family, friends, and wannabe fans like those attending this episode, he is going to receive an extreme beating from Jericho.
Jericho says that he bought Punk a gift that he will present to him on this episode, which will help Punk cope with the failure that he is going to feel and the embarrassment of knowing that he lost the WWE Championship to Chris Jericho, and that Jericho has once again proved that Jericho and Jericho alone is the best in the world at everything he does.
After a video recapping Brock Lesnar’s début match ten years ago at Backlash, and a video recapping his comments that were first aired last week, Josh Mathews interviews CM Punk about Chris Jericho’s earlier comments and gift, with the gift being revealed as a basket of alcohol, which he re-gifts to Josh Mathews after taking one bottle that he says he will hand deliver to Jericho at Extreme Rules.
Back in the arena, Lord Tensai (accompanied by Sakamoto) is pitted against R-Truth in a match which sees Tensai get the victory, when he hits Truth with a claw to the head for the 3-count.
Now, Kane makes his way to the ring and talks about his actions two weeks ago on SmackDown!, and how Orton found out at WrestleMania that he can’t beat him with rules, let alone without any, and he talks about how Orton is a scared little boy, until Orton appears on the titantron.
Randy Orton says that if you ask anyone who knows him, they will tell him that if you mess with his family, there is no turning back, and after what Kane did to his father, he had to return the favour, as the camera pans out to reveal a tied-up Paul Bearer, and Orton comments that he and Bearer have been having a lot of fun together, and suggests that Kane go backstage and join in on it.
Orton then opens the door behind Bearer, pushes him into the apparent freezer room, and closes it again before walking away. Kane laughs and says that that a heart of a monster holds no place for his father, and that as far as he is concerned, his father has and always will be the Devil himself, so he could care less for Paul Bearer.
Addressing Bearer, he says that he is sorry to say that he has no intention of saving him. He then sets his pyro off, but as he starts to leave, he is met by Randy Orton and both start to fight. Orton gains the upper-hand, as he hits Kane with a lead pipe a number of times, and sends Kane high-tailing it through the crowd.
Next up, Cody Rhodes and Alberto Del Rio go against The Big Show and The Great Khali in a tag team match which sees Del Rio abandon Rhodes, and Show get the victory for his team, when he hits Rhodes with a chokeslam for the 3-count.
After an interaction between Chris Jericho, John Laurinaitis, Eve Torres, and Teddy Long, in which Jericho claims to have seen CM Punk drinking and asking asking him to strip CM Punk on the WWE Championship, and Josh Mathews attempts to interview Brock Lesnar, only to get attacked by him, Nikki Bella (accompanied by her sister Brie) takes on Beth Phoenix for the Divas Championship.
Before the match can start however, Eve Torres’ music hits and she makes her way out onto the stage. She says that as the newly-appointed Executive Administrator to John Laurinaitis, it is now her job to do everything she can to improve the shows.
Eve continues by saying that due to The Bella Twins’ tendency to cheat, combined with the amount of other Divas who sit around doing absolutely nothing, Laurinaitis has approved her suggestion to make this match at Lumberjill match, as Divas then make their way to the ring to be the Lumberjills.
The match sees Nikki get the victory and become the new Divas Champion, when she takes advantage of Beth’s apparent injury, and roll her up for the 3-count.
After an interaction between CM Punk and Teddy Long, Long stands in the ring with some police officers to conduct a field sobriety test on CM Punk, with Chris Jericho making his way to the ring to watch personally and so Long can hand the WWE Championship straight to him once he strips Punk of it.
Long asks Punk to make his way to the ring, and he does, and after Punk comments that this whole thing is ridiculous, he is asked to perform the tests by one of the police officers.
The first is to recite the alphabet backwards, causing Punk to ask if anyone in the history of the alphabet has ever recited it backwards and comment that nobody can recite it backwards, whether drunk or sober, and that this is stupid, but it is clear that Punk has failed the test.
The next test is to walk down a straight line in the middle of the ring, with Punk quipping that he has seen COPS before, and that this is easy. Punk fails this test too however, as the police officer says that it is clear to him that Punk is intoxicated.
Teddy Long apologises to CM Punk, but says that he has no control in this matter, and asks him to hand over the WWE Championship, to which he does, albeit reluctantly. Chris Jericho demands that Teddy Long hand it over to him as per John Laurinaitis’ instructions, but before Long can, Punk interrupts and asks for one more chance.
He then proceeds to walk in a straight line, forwards and backwards, without issue as he recites the alphabet backwards – though still getting a few letters in the wrong order, proving his earlier comment – and then attacks Jericho.
Jericho ends up having to leave, and Punk is handed his WWE Championship by Long, as he celebrates on the stage at his ruse being successful.
Next, Sheamus is pitted against Mark Henry, with Daniel Bryan as the Special Guest Referee, in a match which sees Henry get the victory, when Bryan counts a very fast 3-count.
Afterwards, Bryan takes off his referee shirt and throws it at Sheamus, causing Sheamus to chase after him, start to attack him, and then throw him into the ring. Sheamus then enters the ring and hits Henry with a Brogue Kick, but he is then taken down by Bryan, who applies the Yes Lock as he yells “Yes!”.
After Matt Striker interviews Sheamus about what just happened, Primo and Epico (accompanied by Rosa Mendes) go against Santino Marella and Zack Ryder in a tag team match which sees Marella get the victory, when he hits Primo with The Cobra for the 3-count.
After Kane is shown wheeling Paul Bearer out of the freezer room, but he then turns around, pushes Bearer back into the room, and closes the door once again, and an interaction between AW (Abraham Washington) and Primo, Epico, and Rosa Mendes, “Funkasaurus” Brodus Clay and Hornswoggle take on Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler (accompanied by Vickie Guerrero) in a tag team match which sees Clay get the victory of his team as a result of a disqualification, when Vickie slaps him.
Afterwards, Vickie realises that she is surrounded and asks for a time-out, before grabbing Clay’s hat, dusting it off and apologising, before attempting to imitate his dancing, only to be bitten by Hornswoggle, causing her to have a tantrum and leave.
After a video recapping Brock Lesnar’s match with Kurt Angle at WrestleMania XIX (19), and a video once again recapping Lesnar’s own comments and hyping the Extreme Rules match between Lesnar and John Cena, John Laurinaitis makes his way to the ring for the contract signing.
He introduces Brock Lesnar, but in a reversal of earlier on, when he introduces John Cena, Cena does not appear. As a result, Lesnar decides that this means that Cena must be scared, and takes this opportunity to put forth some demands that he has for Laurinaitis before he will sign the contract for the match with Cena at Extreme Rules.
Lesnar says that he isn’t a naïve farm boy any more, and demands such things as use of Vince McMahon’s private jet to and from events, more money, and Monday Night Raw being renamed “Monday Night Raw starring Brock Lesnar”, with all of Lesnar’s demands being agreed to by Laurinaitis.
After Brock Lesnar signs the contract, John Cena’s music hits again, and this time he does make an appearance, as he makes his way to the ring. Lesnar says that he can feel that John Cena is scared, but after Cena signs the contract, he stands ready for a fight.
Lesnar apparently isn’t interested in having that fight until Extreme Rules however, as he exits the ring and backs away up the ramp, as Raw goes off the air.