Raw Fusion: New Millennium

by Firefly on 26th July 2012

The 23rd July 2012 episode of Monday Night Raw, which is also the milestone 1000th episode and marks the change to episodes now being three hours, starts with a new WWE opening video, followed by a video recapping some of the highlights of the past one thousand episodes, before “Tonight Is The Night” by Outasight is heard as the theme for this episode and a new Raw logo is seen.

Justin Roberts introduces WWE Chairman Vince McMahon, who makes his way to the ring and thanks the fans as the crowd chant “Thank You Vince”, as well as welcoming everyone to Raw, before introducing Degeneration-X.

Shawn Michaels and Triple H make their way to the ring in DX attire and to the entrance music and video, but before they set off the DX ring pyro, something doesn’t seem right and after listing a few things that are as they should be, it occurs to them – didn’t there used to be more of them?

Asking the crowd that question, to which the crowd emphatically agree that there were, they point towards the entrance, where X-Pac, Billy Gun, and Road Dogg drive in as the DX music and video play once again and then make their way to the ring.

In the ring the DX pyro is set off as a group, followed by Road Dogg talking about how they are going to send the fans down memory lane as he introduces himself and Billy Gunn as the New Age Outlaws.

Triple H asks the crowd if they are ready and after the agree twice that they are, he says that for the thousands in attendance, the millions watching at home, and apparently him as he’s the only one left with a full head of hair, and because this is the 1000th episode of Raw… Let’s get ready to suck it!

The next part doesn’t come immediately as Billy Gunn and Shawn Michaels both claim that it is their part, to which Triple H suggests that Gunn not make Michaels upset as it makes him lose his smile and do stupid things like posing for Playgirl – causing Michaels to quip that he was young and stupid… and needed the money.

Triple H comes up with the decision that both men do it together, but more confusion is caused as to whether they should do it on the count of three, or after the count of three. With that decided however, they are interrupted before being able to put it into effect as Damien Sandow’s music hits and he makes his way to the ring.

Sandow says that he realises that DX could eviscerate him and dispose of him like common trash, but he points out that this would make him a martyr rather than a victim. DX have a group discussion on what to do, and it is quickly decided as Michaels hits Sandow with Sweet Chin Music and Triple H follows it up by hitting Sandow with the Pedigree.

Billy Gunn gets to say the final part, as he says that if we’re not down with that, he’s got two words for us – SUCK IT!

After a video recapping the confrontation between Chris Jericho and Dolph Ziggler last week, “Good Ol’ J.R” Jim Ross joins commentary for the upcoming match as Rey Mysterio, Sin Cara, and Sheamus take on Chris Jericho, Dolph Ziggler, and Alberto Del Rio in a Six-Man Tag Team match which sees Sheamus get the victory for his team, when Ziggler hits Jericho on purpose to knock him off the ropes, and Sheamus knocks Ziggler back off the apron and takes advantage by hitting Jericho with the Brogue Kick for the 3-count.

After showing some Tout videos from fans, checking in with Charlie Sheen over Skype, and a video recapping Daniel Bryan’s proposal to AJ last week which she accepted, we join AJ backstage where she is asked by Layla if she is sure that she wants to go through with the wedding.

AJ wonders why people keep asking her that and why they keep calling her mentally unstable, she points out that the whole place is unstable as she opens the door to reveal “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan, followed by R-Truth and “Rowdy” Roddy Piper playing with Little Jimmy, and finally Mae Young and a person in a giant hand costume, who introduces himself as her son, all grown up.

Back in the arena, after Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler have some drinks delivered, Jack Swagger is pitted against “Funkasaurus” Brodus Clay (accompanied by Cameron and Naomi), with Clay introducing Dude Love before the match takes place, but with the match quickly seeing Clay get the victory when he hits Swagger with the jumping body splash for the 3-count.

After an interaction backstage involving Triple H, Trish Stratus, and an interruption by the other members of DX, Jerry “The King” Lawler stands in the ring and introduces Slick as the official for the upcoming wedding ceremony between AJ and Daniel Bryan.

When AJ and Daniel Bryan are in the ring and the ceremony is under-way, Daniel Bryan says “Yes” when it comes to his part, when it comes to her part, AJ says “yes, yes, yes!” – but before Slick can announce them as married, she interrupts and says that she wasn’t saying yes to Bryan, but instead to the proposal she was given earlier by another man.

After waiting a few moments, Vince McMahon’s music hits and he makes his way out to the stage where Vince says that it wasn’t that kind of proposal, but instead a business one, and that in the interest of making the next episode and every episode thereafter as great as this one, he’d like to introduce us to the new General Manager of Monday Night Raw… AJ!

AJ shoves the flowers at Bryan, and then starts to skip around him and then away as her music plays. As Bryan rips the flowers apart in the ring in his anger, AJ stands on the stage chanting “yes”.

After a video hyping the SummerSlam Pay-Per-View on 19th August, Daniel Bryan is still in the ring yelling “no” at what just happened, until he is interrupted by CM Punk’s music hitting and him making his way to the ring.

CM Punk says that he didn’t come out to rub it into Daniel Bryan’s face, but says that he did just get stood-up at the alter, and that it couldn’t happen to a nicer guy. He suggests that he may have done the same as Bryan in his shoes, but he wishes him luck and says that he can continue throwing a tantrum, and that he will continue being the WWE Champion and the Best In The World.

Bryan says that Punk isn’t even the best in the ring, and that not only is he better than him, he is the greatest WWE Superstar of all time. The Rock’s music hits and he makes his way to the ring, where he tells Bryan that he doesn’t get to say who the greatest of all time is, only the fans do.

He then says that Finally, The Rock has come back to St. Louis! He is interrupted from saying anything further by Daniel Bryan, who says that he doesn’t know who he thinks The Rock is, but The Rock interrupts him in return, saying that Bryan doesn’t just cut him off like that.

After pausing while the crowd chant “Boots To Asses”, The Rock says that what Bryan doesn’t understand is that it was right there that he won his first WWE Championship, but that he isn’t there to talk to “Frodo”, but is instead there to talk about the WWE Championship.

He says that he just got word that at the Royal Rumble, whoever the WWE Champion is will face him for the title. Punk says that this is good news, but to fill in the blanks, The Rock is looking at the man who will be the WWE Champion at that time.

Punk says that he is going to beat Cena later on in this episode, and that if The Rock wants a match at the Royal Rumble, he wishes that the Royal Rumble was tomorrow, as just like he’s going to do later on to Cena, he’s going to beat him.

The Rock says that as he mentioned before that it was in St. Louis that he won his first WWE Championship, it is only fitting that he stand there in St. Louis and tell CM Punk that at the Royal Rumble, he will be the next WWE Champion.

Daniel Bryan makes his presence known once again, saying that this was supposed to be about him and be the greatest night of his life, and addressing The Rock, he says that he will somehow be facing Daniel Bryan, and not only will he be the WWE Champion, he will be the face of the WWE.

The Rock says that what everyone is looking at is not the face of the WWE, but instead what would happen if a homeless lumberjack banged an Oompa Loompa. He then says that Bryan looks like a troll from Lord Of The Rings, and wishes Punk luck in his match later on.

The Rock says that he’s sorry that Bryan didn’t get married, but he said that he went ahead and got him a gift anyway, as he then hits Bryan with a Rock Bottom and finishes it with an “If ya smellll what The Rock is cooking!”.

Now, Justin Roberts introduces WWE Hall Of Famer Bret “The Hitman” Hart as the Special Guest Ring Announcer, as Christian goes against The Miz for the Intercontinental Championship in a match which sees The Miz get the victory and become the new Intercontinental Champion, when he hits Christian with the Skull-Crushing Finale for the 3-count.

After checking in with Charlie Sheen over Skype again, and a video recapping the events involving Triple H and Brock Lesnar three months ago, Triple H makes his way to the ring and asks if the crowd is having a good time, before he says that he has had his fun, so it is time to pick up the intensity a bit, so addressing Brock Lesnar, he says he wants to fight him at SummerSlam and wants an answer now.

Brock Lesnar’s music hits, but Paul Heyman is the one who makes his way to the ring, without Brock Lesnar. Paul Heyman says that Brock Lesnar has authorised him through Power Of Attorney to answer Triple H’s challenge right now – that answer is no.

When Heyman comments on Triple H’s children, Triple H forces him to keep backing up until Stephanie McMahon’s music hits and she makes her way to the ring too. Stephanie tells Heyman to never speak about her children ever again, and that if he really wants to make things personal, they should call the lawsuits what they are really about.

She says that they are really about Heyman, and his failures at ECW, WCW, and WWE. She says that Heyman calls himself a visionary, but when it her father Vince, Heyman is just looking in the rear-view mirror.

Heyman attempts to taunt Stephanie about bringing “Daddy” into this, but she tells him to shut up and points out that at least her father was man enough to step into the ring with her husband a few years ago, which is more than she can say for Brock Lesnar.

Stephanie says that at least her kids will be proud of their father and grandfather, unlike Heyman’s who are ashamed to be his kids as they know that he is nothing but a professional parasite, and she finishes this statement with a slap to Heyman’s face.

Paul Heyman starts to leave, before stopping for a moment and apparently changing his mind, as he steps back into the ring and says that if they really want it, then they’ve got it – Brock Lesnar against Triple H at SummerSlam.

He then realises that he fell for it, and says that Stephanie always gets what she wants, and how it is what her father taught her and what it is that she teaches her children, but he is cut off from saying anything more as Stephanie then starts to attack him for talking about her children again.

Brock Lesnar’s music hits, and this time Lesnar himself makes his way to the ring, where he makes a bee-line for Triple H and starts to attack him, only for the confrontation to end with Triple H getting the upper-hand, and clotheslining Lesnar out of the ring.

After showing more Touts from fans, showing the results of a WWE ’13 Dream Match as John Cena vs. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, and a video recapping highlights of “Stone Cold” Steve Austin’s career on Raw, Santino Marella and Hornswoggle appear to give out some toys to kids around ringside.

Justin Roberts introduces WWE Hall Of Famer Howard Finkel as the Special Guest Ring Announcer for this match, as Heath Slater is set to take on another Superstar from the past. Heath Slater says that everything that has happened to him on Raw was in the past and it doesn’t matter.

He says that the only thing that we are going to remember is his match on this episode, because his victory is going to be epic, as he is challenging any of the Raw Legends to a No Disqualification, No Count-Out match.

He is answered by Lita’s music hitting and her making her way to the ring. Slater doesn’t believe that Lita will be able to beat him, but he accepts the challenge and tells the “bell man” to ring the bell.

After the referee does indeed ring the bell, Lita takes the microphone from Slater and informs him that for this match, she did hire herself some protection. The APA’s (Acolyte Protection Agency) music hitting and John “Bradshaw” Layfield and Ron Simmons making their way to the ring shows just what kind of protection that is.

Understandably, Slater isn’t as keen on the match as he was a second ago, and decides to bail out, but as he gets to the top of the ramp, he is cut off by hearing “What A Rush”, and the Superstars who beat him over the past few weeks making their way out and forcing him back to the ring.

Lita gets the victory, when she hits Slater with a Twist Of Fate, JBL follows it up with a Clothesline from Hell, and Lita finishes it off with a moonsault for the 3-count.

Afterwards, Ron Simmons grabs a microphone and after looking down at Slater, says just one word… “Damn!”.

After a video recapping the earlier events involving AJ being announced as the new Raw General Manager, and The Rock hitting Daniel Bryan with a Rock Bottom, Sean Mooney interviews Daniel Bryan, who says that this entire night has been tainted and has even been insulted by Charlie Sheen.

Bryan says that Charlie Sheen needs life management, and that if Sheen was standing where Mooney is right now, he would slap the Yes Lock on him faster than he could say “winning”.

After Michael Cole interviews the WWE’s one hundred millionth social media follower, a video recapping the many catchphrases heard throughout the history of Monday Night Raw, and an interaction backstage involving Zack Ryder, “Mean” Gene Okerlund, and John Cena, an interaction between John Cena and The Rock sees The Rock wish Cena in his match later on, and Cena say that it will be him facing The Rock at the Royal Rumble, as the crowd can be heard duelling chants of “Lets Go Cena” and “Cena Sucks”.

Next up, Kane is set to have a match, but Jinder Mahal makes his way to the ring with Drew McIntyre, Tyler Reks, Curt Hawkins, Hunico, and Camacho, and he says that there will be no match as for nine hundred and ninety nine episodes, the six of them have been given no opportunity, so they take their own.

As the six men surround the ring in a manner reminiscent of NEXUS, The Undertaker’s music hits and the lights go out, and his music and video plays as he makes his way to the ring. The six men attempt to attack The Undertaker and Kane, only to all be taken out by them, with synchronised chokeslams and synchronised tombstone piledrivers by The Undertaker and Kane to Hunico and Curt Hawkins providing the exclamation point.

As the crowd chant “this is awesome”, The Undertaker and Kane pose in the ring, with Kane setting off his pyro as The Undertaker sinks to a knee in his bowing position.

After checking in with Charlie Sheen again in which he appears to challenge Daniel Bryan to a match at SummerSlam, and a video recapping the events of last week involving CM Punk and John Cena, John Cena cashes his Money In The Bank contract to take on CM Punk for the WWE Championship.

The match sees the referee get knocked out and The Big Show attack Cena during that time. Punk’s indecision leads Cena to kick out when the referee is revived and he finally decides to cover Cena.

Cena gets the victory as a result of a disqualification, thus meaning that Punk retains his title, when The Big Show interferes and attacks Cena once again, this time in full view of the referee. Punk continues to watch as Show continues his attack, but The Rock’s music hits and he makes his way to the ring as he apparently is going to do something.

The Rock makes a bee-line for The Big Show, as he hits him with some right hands and then a spinebuster, but as he goes for The People’s Elbow, it is interrupted mid-move by CM Punk diving at The Rock with a clothesline, and Punk punctuates this by following it up with a GTS.

CM Punk slowly walks up the ramp with the WWE Championship, as the 1000th episode of Monday Night Raw goes off the air.

About the Author: Firefly

Avatar of Ron Simmons saying "Damn!"
Discovering WCW Monday Nitro in the 1990s, he has been hooked on wrestling ever since, later going on to also discover WWF (now WWE), and even later numerous independent promotions, IMPACT Wrestling (Formerly known as TNA) and now the very captivating challenger known as AEW.

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